Five Thought Habits Used by Optimists

Five Thought Habits Used by Optimists

by | Mar 17, 2023 | Parenting, Virtues

Thinking Habits of an Optimist

If you are trying to change your thinking methods, consider making your thoughts mirror those of an optimist. But this can be easier said than done. Here are five examples of thought habits used by optimists that you can employ in your own life on your journey to become more optimistic.

Knowing Everything Happens For A Reason

If you think someone is an optimist because nothing ever goes wrong in their life, this couldn’t be further from the truth. Optimists tend to experience just as much hardship as people who can be classified as pessimists. The difference is that optimists know that everything in life happens for a reason, so when something terrible does happen, they aren’t thrown off and instead resolve to take the problem in stride.

Optimists Know They Are Never Given More Than They Can Handle

Besides knowing that everything happens for a reason, optimists also see that they are never thrown more than they can handle. So instead of breaking down and crying because something is “just too much to bear,” they get to work at conquering the roadblock they’ve encountered immediately.

Happiness is a Choice

Many people are misled into thinking you must find or earn happiness. But this couldn’t be further from the truth. Happiness always has been, and always will be, a choice, and optimists know this. So even if they are experiencing tough times, or perhaps life isn’t going their way, an optimist will find something in their life to be happy about. They will focus on that instead of the bad parts, which helps them stay optimistic.

Nothing Is Permanent Unless You Want It To Be

Another thought process that helps optimists stay optimistic is that they know nothing in life is permanent unless they make it a permanent fixture. If you feel you will always be sad or alone, this is because you have chosen to be sad and alone.

Optimists always choose to change their lives to increase their happiness and work towards the success they desire. And when they find something, they want to keep in their life, such as warm feelings and good health, they do their best to work positively towards keeping those thoughts in their mind.

You Are The Only One Who Can Dictate Your Life

No matter what may happen, you must know you are in control. This means nothing can affect you or hurt you unless you let it. If you don’t want to let the fact that you lost your job get you down, it won’t.

If you don’t want to spend time with someone who is negative and brings you down, cut them out. The optimist knows in their mind that they are the creators of their own destiny and have complete control over everything that may happen in their lifetime.

Thinking like an optimist isn’t easy, but once you’ve changed your thinking habits, you’ll be well on your way to becoming more optimistic. Start by knowing that everything happens for a reason and that no matter how bad it is, you are never given more in life than you can handle.

Don’t forget that happiness is always a choice; nothing is permanent, and you are in control. “If you want something to happen, it will”; if you make that statement part of your thinking habits, you will become an optimist.

The virtue of Optimism is described here on our 100 Virtues page – Optimism

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50 Excellent Rules For Living Your Best Life

50 Excellent Rules For Living Your Best Life

by | Mar 13, 2023 | Self-care

50 Rules for Living Your Best Life is a great reminder! Use it for yourself and for your children. As I thought about these, I was thinking how I wish I had these when I was growing up.

Get the complete list in PDF format here: https://bit.ly/50RulesBestLife

 

Some of these rules for a best life you are already saying to yourself and your children. Like you tell your kids to:

  • Practice Gratitude
  • Own up to your mistakes
  • Limit time on social media

Other rules may be ones you practice, but your kids need to hear them too so they can start applying them now and for the future:

  • Don’t do permanent damage in a temporary argument
  • Let go of what you can’t control.
  • Comparison is the thief of joy.

Get the full list in a PDF here https://bit.ly/50RulesBestLife. 

I invite you to sign up for our newsletter. Our newsletter is a great way to get the Virtue of the Month and tips on relationships, parenting, and self-care. In addition, you’ll be the first to know about upcoming classes for successful families.

To sign up, visit our website and look for the “Newsletter” section. Enter your email address, and you’ll receive our newsletter in your inbox on Wednesdays.

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Top Ten Virtues Worth Developing

Top Ten Virtues Worth Developing

by | Mar 10, 2023 | Virtues

Top Ten Virtues (Character Traits) Worth Developing

Good character comprises fortitude, integrity, courage, honesty, loyalty, and other notable virtues that support good behavior. We want a good character for ourselves and our children. Several positive traits define a person’s character and are not the same as personal morals or ethics. 

 

Why Build A Good Character

Warren Susman, the famous historian, states, “Character is so important it should be considered a vital component of an individual’s identity.”

This is even more important for young and old today, where political discord and cyberbullying are prevalent. Hence, cultivating virtue has become even more critical.

Developing your virtues will bring out the best in you and help:

  • Gain trust and respect from others.
  • Inspire and motivate others to build good character.
  • Improves confidence and self-respect.
  • Provide a core for making significant choices and decisions.
  • Display leadership attributes in both professional and personal endeavors.
  • Also, good character traits are the backbone of a healthy, functioning society.

While developing these traits is not without stress, successfully developing them can be among the most pleasant and satisfying endeavors.

People often fall into the trap of thinking their character is fixed and cannot be changed. They assume they are either good or bad. However, research has shown that character is malleable and new character can be developed over time with practice and devotion.

The following lists the top 10 character traits worth developing. Working on all ten at once might be quite impossible, so a good idea is to pick one of these qualities and get started.

Humility

This is the quality of being humble. The feeling or attitude that you are not more special or important than others. No man is an island, and humility entails accepting other individuals’ contributions in helping you accomplish all you have achieved. Acknowledging the role of your mentors, role models, and everyone else who’s helped you reach your goal. No one likes an arrogant overachiever. As C.S. Lewis says, “True humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less.”  https://josephmichael.coach/humility/ 

Contentment

This is the mental and emotional state of contentment and satisfaction drawn from being at ease with one’s situation. According to research, this is the state of accepting one’s condition and is a less tentative feeling of happiness. Bernard Williams said, “We may pass violets looking for roses. We may pass contentment looking for victory.”

However, a thin line separates lack of ambition from contentment. While contentment is an admirable trait to strive for, a lack of ambition can be dangerous. Ambition is necessary to succeed; however, over-ambition is unhealthy and leads to sadness. https://josephmichael.coach/contentment/ 

Reliability

Successfully fulfilling whatever has been entrusted to you is an amazing character trait. Roy L. Smith says, “We are sure to get opportunities as we show ourselves capable of being trusted.” Being considered reliable and dependable, even when it requires some sacrifice, is a positive character trait worth developing. https://josephmichael.coach/reliability/

Determination

This positive emotional feeling entails persisting in pursuing a challenging goal despite obstacles. Determination serves as motivation to achieve a goal, and it usually precedes the achievement of said goals. Everyone loves a determined person who works steadily to achieve their goals; a lack of determination is a depressing attitude. In fact, as Tommy Lasorda said, “The difference between the impossible and the possible lies in a man’s determination.”  https://josephmichael.coach/determination/ 

Patience

Author Joyce Meyer said, “Patience is not the ability to wait but the ability to keep a good attitude while waiting.” This character trait is among the most neglected in today’s fast-paced world. This involves waiting for the right things to happen at the right time. It is knowing and having faith that it will all work out while you are waiting. It is not being restless but the willingness to delay satisfaction, and it’s among the top character traits worth developing. (Especially as a parent.) https://josephmichael.coach/patience/ 

Honesty

Truthfulness and honesty with others and yourself are good indicators of a responsible individual. Thomas Jefferson said, “Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom.” Apart from being respected by others, an honest individual has better odds of being genuinely happy and living a long life when compared to a cheat or swindler. 

Among the leading reasons for being dishonest is the fear of consequences. This can be overcome by having the courage to face the consequences of our actions, however dreadful they might be. https://josephmichael.coach/honesty/ 

Courage

This is the willingness and ability to confront uncertainty, danger, intimidation, pain, or agony despite fear. As Mark Twain said, “Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear – not absence of fear.” This is a good character trait worth developing as it makes honesty and finding focus much easier. Once courageous, you’ll face the unknown and explore the world rather than be held back by fear. https://josephmichael.coach/courage/ 

Compassion

Nelson Mandela said, “Our human compassion binds us the one to the other – not in pity or patronizingly, but as human beings who have learned how to turn our common suffering into hope for the future.” According to research, this is a desirable and admirable character trait, especially when placed alongside the alternative of being ruthless and indifferent. This is especially important in today’s world, where the media has created a generation of indifferent and numbed people by constantly distributing gory images and offensive photos. The ability to maintain a compassionate streak is vital. https://josephmichael.coach/compassion/ 

Flexibility

This is the quality of adjusting to new situations and conditions. Alice Duer Miller said, “The strongest will is the will that knows how to bend.”  While there are times when standing your ground and being rigid has its benefits, it more often than not gets in the way of progress. This trait entails being resilient enough to adjust and adapt to new information and situations rather than being rigid. Or, as Dolly Parton said, “We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails.” https://josephmichael.coach/flexibility/ 

Self-Discipline

While the above character traits are important and worth developing, self-discipline helps ensure you know when to defend such traits and are not thrust into crisis by defending such traits. This is the ability to think, learn, absorb, and know when to act on strong impulses. Gary Ryan Blair put it well when he said, “Self-discipline is an act of cultivation. It requires you to connect today’s action to tomorrow’s results. There’s a season for sowing, a season for reaping. Self-discipline helps you know which is which.” https://josephmichael.coach/self-discipline/ 

Developing these 10 or any of the 100 Virtues is not about putting them into us. It is about drawing them out of ourselves and our children. They are already there waiting to be discovered, cultivated, and balanced with other virtues.

 

If you like this, you may also enjoy my newsletter, Virtues & The Four C’s of Successful Families. It is a weekly email full of proven ideas to bring out the best in yourself and your children. Start getting it here: https://josephmichael.coach/newsletter/

3 Reasons Kids Seek Extra Validation& What To Do About It

by | Mar 3, 2023 | Parenting

When you have children, you’ll notice they seem to need a lot of validation. This can be considered part of the growing process. As they explore the world, it’s good to receive reassurance that they’re doing well and their efforts are seen. Occasionally though, you’ll find your children might go through periods where they seek more validation than normal. What’s with that?

Have They Been Getting Too Much Validation Lately?

Sometimes we get a little over-eager in our praise. While it’s natural to be excited about your child’s accomplishments, making a really big deal out of everyone can lead to unhealthy expectations. When this happens, the child will build up an expectation they need to be validated whenever they do anything.

How can you help? Try easing back a little. Choose your moments to give over-the-top praise carefully. The rest of the time? A hug or a quiet word of praise is sufficient. 

Has Something Gone Wrong Recently?

If your child put a lot of effort into something and fell flat, they might be feeling a little uncertain right now. When this happens, they seek your praise as reassurance, hoping you’ll give them back whatever they lost in their failure.

How can you help? Talk to them about what happened. Let them know everyone sometimes fails and remind them what’s important is – they tried hard. Show them how they have already learned from the experience and talk about trying again.

What Have You Been Doing?

Kids will often seek attention when they feel like they don’t have yours. Is it possible you’ve been extra busy lately or spending too much time on your phone when the kids were around? You might not think so, but try to see yourself through their eyes.

How can you help? Instead of validation, what your child needs is for you to be there in the moment with them. You don’t necessarily need to go and arrange special time with your child. Instead, focus on giving your child more of your undivided attention. How about a no-phone rule at dinner or making a point of setting aside the tech when they’re talking to you, so they know you’re really listening?

While this list doesn’t begin to represent every instance your child might be seeking extra validation, it should at least give you some ideas about unraveling what’s going on when they do. The key to handling any situation is the same: dig a little deeper to understand why your child is feeling insecure and address this instead. You’ll both feel better about it.

Want to learn more about the difference between praise & encouragement? Get an enlarged version of this article with details on how to give the gift of encouragement vs the reward of praise. ​Your child will feel encouraged to believe in themselves and become self-motivated. 

5 Traits That Characterize Self-Discipline

5 Traits That Characterize Self-Discipline

by | Aug 12, 2022 | Parenting

Practicing Self-Discipline Brings Great Results

Discipline is a term people toss around a lot. But what is it exactly? Is it the ability to control your impulses? The ability to focus on complex tasks even when you don't feel like it? Or maybe the ability to adhere to rules and guidelines even if you don't like them?

When it comes to adults or children these are all essential skills. So what are the tell-tale signs that you or your child are developing this virtue that you already have within you more fully and in a balanced way.

Here are five character traits to look for as you or your child are develop self-discipline.

Self-Control

You can illustrate self-control with the ability to delay gratification. Anyone who can do that is likely to be considered self-disciplined.

One example would be of someone with a short temper. It may feel good to them to react quickly and without thought. They may tend to lash out at others and yell at them.  But when they are able to control their reactions and respond thoughtfully they are demonstrating self-discipline. 

    A Strong Sense of Morality or Ethics

    A self-disciplined person has values and standards which they follow. They live by those values both in public and in the privacy of their home. If they are a child, their parents trust their behavior to live up to the standards of their family. When a child is at school or the parent is at work or in other situations, they hold themselves to the standards, rules and values – if when they don’t like them.

    Self-Motivation

    This trait describes the ability of an individual to initiate tasks. Disciplined persons tend to take the initiative and try things on their own. And they don’t give up easily on activities that they find challenging to complete.

    A person with self-discipline doesn’t need constant reminders or nagging from parents or employers, because they can motivate themselves. A self-motivated person strives for excellence, regardless of any incentives they might receive. Such children take action because they find pleasure in doing the right thing, not because they can get something, but rather because it is the right thing to do.

    Resilience

    This trait is a quality that allows people to bounce back from adversity and move through challenges. Self-disciplined persons don’t give up easily, even when things get tough. Resilience shows itself when we have the ability to withstand failure and hardship but remain optimistic and motivated for success.

    A famous example of resilience is Thomas Edison. His approach to the invention of the light bulb was that he would not give up until he found a solution. In one interview, he stated that the light bulb was not a result of 1,000 failures – it resulted from 1,000 steps.

    Developing self-discipline helps us to keep moving forward despite failures.

    Joyfulness

    Self-discipline is the key to success and joyfulness (happiness) We all want to be happy and every parent wants their children to be happy. However, if we seek happiness for ourselves or our children over personal discipline we will actually be undermining the development of self-discipline. 

    If a child always gets what he wants when he wants it, he forms a habit of asking for more, even if he doesn’t need it. This action may give him an incredible feeling of satisfaction in the short term, but it could lead to trouble later.

    It’s no wonder that self-disciplined individuals tend to be happy. Why? Because whenever they encounter a challenge, they can rise above it and accomplish their goals. Self-disciplined adults feel a satisfaction in their life. Self-disciplined children grow into happy adults.

    In Conclusion

    Discipline is an essential quality. Without discipline, there is a waste of time in unproductive pursuits that  don’t develop the necessary habits to create success later on in life.

    It’s crucial to instill a sense of self-discipline in children. It helps them develop the habits that will make them successful throughout their lives.