“Moving Forward After Divorce: Tips for Helping Your Children Heal and Thrive”

“Moving Forward After Divorce: Tips for Helping Your Children Heal and Thrive”

A Guide to Helping Your Child Heal After Divorce

A divorce is just as tragic and scary for your child as it is for you, possibly even more so. Your children can suffer. The process of your family changing can hurt them on several different levels. They are likely to experience many negative and scary emotions that they’ve never encountered before.

Help your child deal with their emotions following divorce with these strategies: 

1. Recognize your child’s emotions and thoughts. Your child needs to feel comfortable expressing their thoughts about the divorce. 

Children can feel hurt long after the divorce papers are signed and the court dates end. It’s essential to recognize their feelings and work with them. Children also need to feel loved by both parents, so you want to reassure them that you still love them. 

Establish an open dialogue with the kids. Feeling comfortable expressing their questions makes it easier for your child to handle the situation. 

It’s important not to belittle or diminish a child’s emotions. They may differ from how you feel about the situation, so give your child room to express deep thoughts. 

2. Protect your child’s emotional health by working together with your ex. Your child needs to be a priority after a divorce so they don’t feel hurt or neglected. Therefore, it’s crucial to find a way to work together. 

Stay mature, and remember that you’re a parent who needs to protect your children. By working with your ex, you can establish guidelines to help address your child’s emotions. 

You may want to keep communication with your ex open so that you can discuss the child’s needs without lawyers. 

3. Create rules to protect your child in new relationships. For example, you may be ready to start dating again or even remarry after a divorce. 

Children can have difficulty adjusting to the idea that their parents are dating again. It’s not easy for them to see you with a new partner, and their feelings may be hurt. As a result, they may begin to act out, question you, or avoid the new partner. 

It’s important not to force a child to have a relationship with your new partner. Children may need more time to handle these types of situations. 

You also don’t want to force your child to call the new partner, mother, or father. Your child may not be ready for this type of label. Instead, your new partner can earn the title over time. 

4. Avoid creating guilt trips. You don’t want your child to feel guilty about spending time with your ex and enjoying it. This will hurt their feelings and make them even more confused. Instead, encourage your child to feel happy visiting both parents. 

Children often feel responsible for the divorce. But your divorce is not their fault. It’s important to help them understand that they’re not responsible so they don’t have the additional burden of feeling guilty. 

You want your children to be able to see your ex without feeling like they’re betraying you. Children should look forward to their visits. You don’t want to make them feel like they must choose one parent to love and one to reject. 

Paying attention to your child’s emotions after a divorce is critical. You can help your children healthily deal with their feelings so you can all move forward with your lives.

I invite you to sign up for our newsletter. It is a great way to get the Virtue of the Month and tips on relationships, parenting, and self-care. In addition, you’ll be the first to know about upcoming classes for successful families.

To sign up, visit the “Newsletter” section here on the website. Enter your email address, and you’ll receive our newsletter in your inbox on Wednesdays.  I appreciate your interest in bringing out the best in your children and yourself. We look forward to keeping you informed through our newsletter!

4 Ways to Teach Your Children About Imperfection

4 Ways to Teach Your Children About Imperfection

Perfectly Imperfect: Teach Your Children About Imperfection

We think we have to be perfect. Is this the case? What if instead of getting everything right on the first try, it’s sometimes better to make mistakes? Could imperfection actually be better than perfection? More importantly – how does this relate to our parenting?

Perfection is something we need to be concerned about. Our every action teaches our children something about the world. What we do when we make mistakes will guide them the rest of their lives. They will naturally mimic our response when they make mistakes for themselves. With this in mind, what should we teach our children about imperfection?

Take More Risks

If you have kids who tend toward perfectionism, then chances are they’re not likely to enjoy trying new things. After all, to their way of thinking, they don’t know if the new way will be something they like or not, so it’s better not to take a chance.

When you want to teach your children about the joys of imperfection, the first thing you need to do is show them it’s OK to take risks. Model this behavior by showing them how much you enjoy trying new things. Invite them to taste new foods, experiment with art, and go places they have never been before. Praise and acknowledge  them when they take chances on new things. Of course, sometimes, these experiments might not work out. When this happens, these experiences can become a teaching tool about how imperfection leads us to new knowledge.

Show Acceptance

Kids can be very fragile when it comes to how they feel you view them. When they make mistakes, their first reaction is to worry whether you will still like them or not. Here is an opportunity to use imperfection to show them you still love them unconditionally, whether they’re perfect or not.

Be Yourself

As your kids start to get older and spend more time with their peers, one of the biggest things that plagued them will be worry about how the world sees them. Even while they accept your love, they have a hard time accepting their peers like them. When these worries arise, it’s natural for the children to put up a facade of perfection. Here is where you need to encourage them to be themselves, imperfections and all. It is this honesty that will draw their peers toward them.

Have Fun

Last, but most important, is the ability to have fun. Imperfection drives us to keep working harder and harder at the same thing. Imperfection allows your child to let go and enjoy the process. Good enough is good enough. It’s better to laugh and play than to worry endlessly about getting it right.

Teach your children these things, and they will succeed far better in life than they ever would have if they’d instead been taught to pursue perfection. They’ll be much happier, too.

I invite you to sign up for our newsletter. It is a great way to get the Virtue of the Month and tips on relationships, parenting, and self-care. In addition, you’ll be the first to know about upcoming classes for successful families.

To sign up, visit the “Newsletter” section here on the website. Enter your email address, and you’ll receive our newsletter in your inbox on Wednesdays.  I appreciate your interest in bringing out the best in your children and yourself. We look forward to keeping you informed through our newsletter!

Unwind and Bond: Fun Ways for the Entire Family to Relax Together!

Unwind and Bond: Fun Ways for the Entire Family to Relax Together!

6 Ways to Unwind and Bond as a Family!

We all experience moments of stress, and families are no exception. It can become especially intense when it feels like there’s no break from running errands, going to school, working, and other obligations.

The key to handling this is to make sure to take some time to relax. Unwinding isn’t just about taking a break.

Unwinding as a family can strengthen their connections by engaging in shared experiences, communicating openly, creating positive memories, building trust, problem-solving, and creating a sense of togetherness that will last a lifetime. This blog post will discuss some quick ways families can unwind together, create lasting memories, and strengthen relationships.

Tell a Story

Choose a theme that ties all the stories together. It could be something like “family vacations,” “holiday traditions,” or “funny family moments.” Having a theme will keep the stories focused and make it easier to remember them. Use old photographs or videos for jogging the memory. Get everyone involved by encouraging everyone to describe how they remember the event. Events that are fun or funny are especially bonding. This is a fun and interactive way to learn about each other’s past experiences and pass on family traditions and history.

Watch a Movie

Speaking of laughter, this would be the perfect time for a comedy—funny movies help keep the mood light. Also, laughter has been proven through various studies to lower blood pressure while at the same time stimulating endorphins in the brain, which help us relax and feel good in the moment.

Have a Hot Beverage

What about some tea or hot chocolate? Warm beverages naturally require time to drink them, which gives everyone a breather. The warmth also reduces cortisol, a hormone associated with stress (why bubble baths can be so relaxing).

Take a Walk

Exercise has so many health benefits that it should almost go without saying. The best part about walking together is that it gives time for conversation without leaving anyone out. You can use a stroller for the youngest family members. For bonus points, look for a way to walk somewhere you can appreciate nature, such as in a park or a forest. Did you know being around plants of any variety can lower stress levels?

Have a Snack

While grabbing food when stressed isn’t a great habit, a little treat can improve the mood. Having a supply of snack-size sweets allows you to enjoy them without going overboard. Watch your kids’ eyes light up when offered an unexpected sweet.

Remember the Day

If you want to unwind at the end of the day, add this game to your bedtime routine. Go around the room and ask everyone to talk about something they enjoyed or were grateful for about the day.

Practice unwinding as a family regularly, which will give everyone something to look forward to during the week when things are stressful. Here are a few examples of family night activities:

    • Movie nights
    • Game nights
    • Regular outdoor activities like biking, hiking, picnic, rock climbing, or kayaking (non-structured and the whole family can participate in)
    • Cooking together
    • Arts & Crafts
    • Reading
    • Volunteering
    • Family dinners (best when done often)

You can use any of these activities as a stage for unwinding and weekly family meetings where you can engage in activities together and have the chance to talk, listen, and share thoughts and feelings. This communication helps family members better understand each other and build stronger connections.

I invite you to sign up for our newsletter. It is a great way to get the Virtue of the Month and tips on relationships, parenting, and self-care. In addition, you’ll be the first to know about upcoming classes for successful families.

To sign up, visit the “Newsletter” section here on the website. Enter your email address, and you’ll receive our newsletter in your inbox on Wednesdays.  I appreciate your interest in bringing out the best in your children and yourself. We look forward to keeping you informed through our newsletter!

Why Unwinding Is Essential for Both You and Your Children

Why Unwinding Is Essential for Both You and Your Children

Overcome Common Barriers and Relax

We all know that unwinding is good for us. After all, think how wonderful it feels to relax after a long, difficult day! There’s no better way to shed stress or ease worry. Unfortunately, though, sometimes unwinding is easier said than done. 

If you’re having difficulty unwinding, it’s time for intentionality in your subsequent actions. First, look at some barriers to letting go and what you can do about them.

If you’re having difficulty unwinding, it’s time for intentionality in your subsequent actions. First, look at some barriers to letting go and what you can do about them.

Current Events Have You Down

The problem with being plugged in every second of the day is we become very aware of what’s happening in the world. It can lead to many worries and stress about things happening worldwide, and it seems impossible to relax at the end of the day. The fix? Limit your media exposure. For example, make a point not to watch the news before bed or allow yourself only a certain amount of time to follow the news every day.

You Feel Like There’s Too Much to Do

The problem with being busy is that it’s always possible to get busier. While this can be great news for your business, it can wreak havoc on your ability to end the day and unwind. The fix? Create a schedule where you quit all extra activities for the day at a specific time. Then, if anything is unfinished, jot it down on tomorrow’s to-do list and let it go so you can unwind properly.

You Don’t Have Time to Unwind

This can be difficult, especially if you’re used to scheduling your day to be busy. The problem? You’re leading yourself straight to burnout. The fix? It’s pretty simple. Start planning time to unwind every day. Be strict with yourself about using it.

You Don’t Think You Deserve Time Off

Unfortunately, we were taught to be productive every minute of the day since we were children. It leads to many complicated feelings about taking time off, even to unwind at the end of the day. The fix? A reality check can do wonders here. Unwinding is a crucial part of being productive. Without rest, you can’t possibly do more later. Want to go even better? Spend time rewiring your brain to accept one straightforward truth: YOU DESERVE TIME TO YOURSELF. We all do—end of story. 

All of these can be barriers for our children, too. For example, if your child’s usual way of being is interrupted, and you see changes in sleep, eating, or resting patterns, it could be that the local or world news worries them. They may need to talk and tell you how they are feeling. You may need to reassure them that you are there to keep them safe. 

In today’s world, children’s schedules are packed so tight with things that we have been told are necessary to succeed. Children need time to unwind and be children. However, scheduling them with back-to-back activities or activities every evening after school is too much for many, if not all, children. 

They deserve time off. They need time to unwind; they need time with you and your family; and, most importantly, they need you and family time. Even more importantly, they need you to set an example for them of what it means to be balanced in life.

Clarity about what is important to you and your family will help you choose how to spend your time. Don’t be influenced by what others tell you your child “should” do. Instead, relax, be your best self, and practice what you know is best for you and your family.

I invite you to sign up for our newsletter. It is a great way to get the Virtue of the Month and tips on relationships, parenting, and self-care. In addition, you’ll be the first to know about upcoming classes for successful families.

To sign up, visit the “Newsletter” section here on the website. Enter your email address, and you’ll receive our newsletter in your inbox on Wednesdays.  I appreciate your interest in bringing out the best in your children and yourself. We look forward to keeping you informed through our newsletter!

The Art of Listening to Build Your Child’s Emotional Health

The Art of Listening to Build Your Child’s Emotional Health

The Art of Listening to Build Your Child’s Emotional Health

Everyone, adult or child, likes to know they are being heard.

The simplest way to reach anyone’s heart, especially your child’s, is to be receptive and respectful of their feelings. This means we need to listen with compassion, even when time is short or we feel like we know what they need to do. 

When they come to us with a dilemma, or they have made a mistake small or large, listening first is the best way to model compassion, courtesy, and respect. In the following thoughts, you will see how this is helpful when working with our children even if we may not agree with them. Listening is step number two in “the art of companioning”.

Listening helps you first

When you take the time to listen to your child, and their viewpoints, you are exposed to thoughts and feeling that you may not have considered before. Sometimes you may not like what you are hearing, you will be learning new things by listening. This helps expand your mind to be more accepting of their thoughts and understanding feelings.

Listening Helps You Develop Patience

As previously mentioned, being able to sit there and listen to something you may not agree with or you know you have the answer too, is difficult. You will have to have patience. And if you haven’t already developed the necessary patience for this task, just the practice of listening more often will help you to develop it. If you find you are struggling with the task, try to remember you are listening to learn something new. You can also listen with curiosity helping you to see where you need greater understanding. This will help you focus on the words and what they are saying more carefully.

You Expand Your Relationship

People love when others listen to what they have to say, it makes them feel important, even our children. When you take the time to listen to your child, even though you may not agree with what they are saying, you make them feel heard and understood. And this can help you connect with your child in a new way.

The Top Five Traits of a Good Listener

We mentioned that becoming a good listener is the second step in the “art of companioning”. The first step is asking an open ended question like, “What is happening?” Open ended questions allow the other person to speak from their heart. Then we need to listen with patience.

When listening to your child, we want to show empathy, but do so without taking on their feelings. In other words the key is not to over or under react to what they are saying. When a child is willing to open up to us all they really want is to be heard. Here are some ways to be that great listener.

1.    When listening to your child, your goal should be to understand their point of view. Listen to everything they say before forming your own opinion or asking probing questions. , You do not necessarily have to agree with them, just understand them. Everyone deserves, and should form, their own opinions on various topics. 

2.    Paying attention is the next trait. If you don’t pay attention you will miss out on important information, or even physical cues. Always be aware of what is going on with the person who is speaking, and don’t forget to pay attention to their clues. Notice if they are holding their stomach or if you see tears. These are signs that can be furthered explored.

3.    The action of making eye contact with the person who is speaking, shows them that you are paying attention. If you start looking around you, you are giving them the impression that you are not interested, or have become bored. 

4.    Your goal as you listen is to support, not rescue, distract, or advise. Your child has the capability to come to answers for their own situation. As a parent, when you listen in this way – and use the “art of companioning” – you are teaching your child to look inside themselves and find their awareness of the best answer. 

5.    Allow the person to finish talking. A young Maltese priest once said, “When you think you have been silent enough, be silent a little more.” This often takes a little patience, but it can be helpful for both sides. First the person has time to put their thoughts together and can vent their opinions, frustrations, and feelings. Many times as they speak a child is also measuring your response. They do this, to decide how much more information they are willing to give. Then of course, using your patience helps you to fully understand the issues. 

A good listener will also think before responding back. Sometimes parents have the trait of speaking before thinking or hearing everything, and this can lead to all kinds of awkward or difficult situations. To help your child or the other person the most, calls for asking questions that zero in on the feelings. These many times feel like general questions, but they are intended to help the child “empty their cup”. 

It is perfectly normal for your brain to want to respond quickly. Stop yourself and think before you speak! When you do ask questions, ask what and how questions and eliminate the why questions. Most of the time none of us know why – we just know how we feel. Until the child believes we know how they feel, they will not be willing to give other details.

Now the simple things we all know. It can be hard to stay focused on a person, it is normal to want to look away, especially if they are taking a long time to express themselves. If you find yourself doing this try nodding to the person or making direct eye contact with them. This signals to them that you are paying attention. Other tips that you might want to use to show that you are paying attention include: 

·      A simple verbal expression

·      Use facial expressions

·      Use body language

If you make an effort to put these five traits into play consistently, you will become a much better listener for it. Your relationship with your child will grow stronger, as will their emotional health.

Later this summer I look forward to releasing an online course titled “Virtues & The Four C’s of Successful Families”. One of the C’s – Communication – is where we will be going in great detail on companioning our children so they discover their wisdom and discernment that is in line with individual family values and vision. 

I invite you to sign up for our newsletter. It is a great way to get the Virtue of the Month and tips on relationships, parenting, and self-care. In addition, you’ll be the first to know about upcoming classes for successful families.

To sign up, visit the “Newsletter” section here on the website.

7 Techniques You Can Use to Help Your Child Unwind

7 Techniques You Can Use to Help Your Child Unwind

Help Your Child Unwind

Have you ever had a great day with your family only to find your child isn’t quite ready for the fun to be over when bedtime comes around? And you are! In fact, you are more prepared than they are! Simply put, sometimes the world is just too fun to let go, meaning that now that the younger family members are so wound up, you, as a parent, know it will be a long night.

What if you could help your child unwind after even the best or most exciting day so they could quickly fall asleep at a reasonable hour? Don’t you believe it? Then, try these techniques and see what happens. These practices with your child may be great for both of you.

Physical activity: Take a walk. A little exercise can go a long way toward unwinding. It will help them burn off a little energy in a controlled manner. The best part of walking, though, is that you get to unwind right along with them. You might be surprised to find out you need this downtime every bit as much as they do.

Relaxation Techniques: Practice deep breathing. Encourage your child to take deep breaths, inhaling slowly and exhaling through the mouth. This can help reduce stress and anxiety and promote relaxation. Take a warm bath. A warm bath can help your child relax their muscles and ease tension. Add calming essential oils, such as lavender, to the water for an extra soothing effect. Soft music or ambient sounds designed for bedtime or relaxation might help them to unwind further.

Screen-free time: Limit your child’s screen time and encourage them to engage in activities such as reading or drawing. Your child might enjoy drawing or writing about their day as part of remembering it. Or if they’re not old enough to be this articulate or want to be creative, you can give them some clay or other art materials and let them create whatever they feel like.

Stretching or yoga: Gentle stretching or yoga poses can help your child release tension and calm their mind. Try simple poses like the downward-facing dog, child’s, or butterfly poses.

Mindful meditation: Encourage your child to focus on the present moment and let go of any worries or distractions. You can use guided meditation apps or have them focus on their breath for a few minutes.

Snuggle time: Spending some quiet time snuggling with your child can be comforting and relaxing for both of you. It can be a time to talk about the day, share stories, and connect emotionally.

Bedtime routine: Even if you’re going to bed later than usual, following your typical bedtime routine will help them wind down and slip into the idea that it’s time to go to bed. It’s vital to follow portions of this routine even if you’re late, as your child already has a strong connection with it, and you want to disturb this process of unwinding as little as possible.

Overall, finding what works best for your child and their individual needs is essential. Every child is unique, and what works for one child may not work for another. Experiment with different techniques and find what helps your child unwind and relax the most. Choose what they’re naturally inclined to do. Some kids process better through talk, others through physical activity. Learn what works best for your child and go from there.

I invite you to sign up for our newsletter. It is a great way to get the Virtue of the Month and tips on relationships, parenting, and self-care. In addition, you’ll be the first to know about upcoming classes for successful families.

To sign up, visit the “Newsletter” section here on the website. Enter your email address, and you’ll receive our newsletter in your inbox on Wednesdays.  I appreciate your interest in bringing out the best in your children and yourself. We look forward to keeping you informed through our newsletter!