Helping Our Children Grow in Modesty

Helping Our Children Grow in Modesty

by | Mar 25, 2025 | Parenting, Virtues

Confidence Without Boasting,

Appreciation Without Envy

As parents, we want our children to feel confident in who they are and proud of what they accomplish. We cheer for their victories, hang up their artwork, and celebrate milestones big and small. But along the way, we also hope they grow into humble, gracious people—those who can share the spotlight, lift others up, and stay grounded no matter how high they soar.

So, how do we strike that balance? How do we help our kids be proud of themselves without falling into bragging? And how do we encourage them to appreciate others’ success without comparing or feeling less-than?

Let’s walk through some thoughtful, doable ways to instill the virtue of modesty in daily family life.

💬 1. Confidence Isn’t the Enemy of Modesty

First, it’s important to know that modesty doesn’t mean denying or hiding our gifts. Instead, it’s about knowing your worth without needing to prove it to others. We can teach our kids that it’s perfectly okay to say, “I’m proud of this,” while still being respectful and humble.

When your child accomplishes something, praise the effort, the learning, and the positive impact they made—not just the outcome. Try something like:

  • “You showed real persistence on that science project. That’s what made it great!”

  • “You used your gift for storytelling to make us laugh. Thank you for sharing that talent.”

These responses celebrate their success without placing them above others.

🤝 2. Teach the Power of Shared Joy

It’s natural for children to want recognition—and sometimes feel envious when someone else shines. But modesty helps them move from comparison to connection.

Start by naming and noticing others’ strengths out loud:

  • “Your sister is so creative with her drawings, isn’t she?”

  • “I loved how your friend shared his snack with everyone. That’s generosity in action.”

Then, model appreciation of others in your own life. When they hear you say things like, “That was such a great idea your coworker had,” or “I’m learning so much from my friend’s parenting style,” they learn that celebrating others doesn’t take anything away from them.

Encourage your child to offer kind words to others, even simple ones:

  • “That was a great goal you scored!”

  • “You really helped the team today.”

These practices foster a culture of appreciation, where everyone’s success is seen as a win for the group.

🛠 3. Tools to Support Modesty at Home

Here are a few quick ideas you can try this week:

  • The “We All Win” Jar: Keep a family jar where anyone can write down something kind, helpful, or impressive that someone else did. Read a few slips aloud each week and celebrate everyone’s efforts.

  • Reframe Compliments: If your child brags (“I’m the best at math!”), gently guide them with curiosity. “You do work hard in math. What’s something you’re learning lately that excites you?”

  • Model It: If someone compliments you, let your kids hear you say, “Thank you—I’m really grateful I got to be part of that,” or “It was a team effort.”

Modesty isn’t about making ourselves small. It’s about making room for others to shine alongside us. When children learn to embrace their gifts with gratitude and notice the beauty in others’ gifts, they grow into compassionate, grounded individuals who uplift those around them.

And that’s a quiet kind of power that will serve them for life.

Let’s Reflect:
What is one way I can model both confidence and humility for my child this week? How can I invite them to notice and celebrate someone else’s success today?

You’re doing meaningful, heart-shaping work—one conversation, one value, one virtue at a time. Keep going. Your example is the best teacher they’ll ever have.

Joe is a husband, father, grandfather, author, speaker, educator, course creator, and parent/family coach.

He helps parents develop unity, find clarity, communicate, and develop consistency in their parenting with the Four C’s of Successful Families. You can find his work on social media.

In addition, the Four C’s newsletter is enjoyed by many as it encourages parents to self-care, build their relationships with their partners, and raise their children. 

And he loves to golf! 

Joseph Michael
Self-awareness: A Balancing Force Helping Parents

Self-awareness: A Balancing Force Helping Parents

by | Feb 19, 2025 | Parenting

Self-awareness is a powerful tool for parents, one that can ensure their love for their children is balanced and healthy. When cultivated, it is a practice that can help parents recognize and address their fears and expectations, ensuring they do not inadvertently pass them on to their children. The role of self-awareness in parenting is a delicate and often underrated dance. It requires parents to be honest with themselves, recognize their flaws and strengths, and understand how their past experiences and emotions may impact their parenting.

For example, a parent who experienced a traumatic event in their childhood may, without self-awareness, inadvertently raise their child in an overly protective manner rooted in fear and anxiety. Similarly, a parent with high expectations of their child’s academic performance may, without self-reflection, push their child too hard, causing stress and a potential negative impact on the child’s mental health.

Self-awareness becomes a balancing force here, helping parents recognize and address these potential pitfalls. By practicing self-awareness, parents can create a safe and supportive environment for their children to grow and develop. It also allows parents to recognize when their fears and expectations cloud their judgment and enables them to make more balanced decisions.

For instance, a self-aware parent may recognize when their fear of failure influences their reaction to their child’s grades. They can then take a step back, address their own fears, and respond to their child from a place of love and support rather than anxiety and expectation. This practice also helps parents recognize their children’s unique strengths and personalities, allowing them to parent each child individually rather than through a one-size-fits-all approach.

Self-awareness is a journey, and it requires dedication and courage to face one’s own flaws and fears. It is an ongoing process; parents should be kind to themselves as they navigate this path.

The rewards, however, are immense, as self-awareness has the power to transform parental love and the overall family dynamic, creating a healthier and more supportive environment for all.

Balancing Parenting with the Four C’s of Successful Families

Nurturing children requires a skillful blend of affection, direction, and granting them the autonomy to blossom into their unique identities. The cornerstone of thriving families rests upon four essential pillars: clear expectations, open dialogue, unwavering discipline, and strong social connections. This robust framework empowers parents to confidently guide their children’s development, circumventing the potential hazards of overbearing protection, excessive leniency, or imposing unattainable goals. By embracing these principles, parents foster a supportive environment that cultivates their children’s potential and ensures their well-being.

The Four C’s of Successful Families act as guiding stars, illuminating the way toward a harmonious and loving family dynamic.

      • Clarity, the first of these guiding lights, shines a beacon on a parent’s inner truth. Through clarity, parents can discern their authentic emotions and motivations, recognizing how their past experiences shape their present reactions. This self-knowledge empowers them to make conscious choices, ensuring their fears and expectations don’t cloud their judgment.
      • Communication, the second C, acts as a bridge, connecting parents to their children and to themselves. When parents communicate openly and honestly with their children, they create a safe space for their little ones to express their thoughts and feelings. This open dialogue fosters trust and understanding, allowing parents to tailor their parenting approach to each child’s unique needs and strengths.
      • Consistency, the steadfast third C, provides the foundation for a stable and secure family environment. By maintaining consistent routines and boundaries, parents offer their children a sense of predictability and safety. This consistency also extends to the parents themselves, as they consistently practice self-awareness, regularly checking in with their emotions and adjusting their behaviors accordingly.
      • Community, the final C, expands the circle of support beyond the immediate family unit. By cultivating a community of like-minded parents and supportive individuals, parents can seek guidance, share experiences, and learn from one another. This sense of connection and shared wisdom reinforces a parent’s self-awareness journey, providing a network of encouragement and fresh perspectives.

Together, the Four C’s empower parents to navigate the intricate dance of self-awareness with grace and confidence. They provide a framework for parents to transform their love into a balanced force, nurturing their children’s growth and helping them blossom into their true selves. It is a challenging yet rewarding journey, and with the Four C’s as their compass, parents can find the wisdom and courage to create a thriving family dynamic.

Joe is a husband, father, grandfather, author, speaker, educator, course creator, and parent/family coach.

He helps parents develop unity, find clarity, communicate, and develop consistency in their parenting with the Four C’s of Successful Families. You can find his work on social media.

In addition, the Four C’s newsletter is enjoyed by many as it encourages parents to self-care, build their relationships with their partners, and raise their children. 

And he loves to golf! 

Joseph Michael

Self-Care for Parents: Reclaiming Balance in Family Life

Self-Care for Parents: Reclaiming Balance in Family Life

by | Oct 8, 2024 | Parenting, Self-care

Healthy relationships are essential to our well-being. But so, too, is the ability to practice self-care, even when in a relationship. Too often, we neglect ourselves when we tie our lives to someone else—whether it’s a significant other, a child, or even a parent. We get so busy caring for those around us that we forget to take care of ourselves. Finding this healthy balance is crucial to good health. Then, things can get complicated when we factor in the component of tending to the relationship itself.

For many parents, this can feel all too familiar. Parenting is a role that often demands 100% of your energy, patience, and focus. You pour so much into your children—ensuring they are nurtured, supported, and thriving—that it’s easy to put your own needs last. If you’re also balancing a relationship with a spouse or partner, the challenge only increases as you try to be there for your partner while juggling the responsibilities of family life.

But what happens when we continuously neglect our own needs? The answer is simple: we burn out. We lose our sense of self, feel drained, and may even become resentful. This is where the virtue of assertiveness comes in, offering a way to reclaim self-care without feeling guilty or selfish.

Understanding Assertiveness in Self-Care

When we talk about assertiveness, we’re not referring to being pushy or demanding. Assertiveness in the context of self-care means confidently and calmly expressing your needs and boundaries. It’s about understanding that your well-being is just as important as that of your children or partner. Assertiveness allows you to say, “I need time for myself,” without feeling guilty or fearing you’re neglecting your family.

Many parents struggle with this concept, particularly because society often teaches that “good” parents are selfless, always putting their children’s needs above their own. However, the reality is that constantly deprioritizing yourself leads to exhaustion, stress, and even emotional distance from those you love.

Assertiveness helps you strike a balance. It allows you to show up for your family, not as a drained and overwhelmed parent, but as someone who is refreshed, energized, and fully present.

Why Self-Care Is Essential for Parents

Self-care is not a luxury; it’s a necessity. Just as your child needs healthy meals, sleep, and emotional support, so do you. As parents, we’re often told that self-sacrifice is part of the job, but the truth is, caring for yourself is one of the most important things you can do for your children and your partner.

When you take care of yourself, you are better equipped to handle the demands of parenting. You’ll have more patience, better emotional regulation, and the energy needed to truly engage with your family. By taking time for self-care, you model for your children the importance of balance and self-respect. Children need to see that taking care of their own needs is not selfish but essential for living a balanced, healthy life.

The Role of Assertiveness in Practicing Self-Care

Being assertive in your self-care starts with understanding and honoring your own needs. Ask yourself: What do I need to feel balanced? Is it time alone? Time with friends? Exercise? More sleep? Once you’ve identified your needs, the next step is communicating those needs to your family.

This can be tricky for parents who are used to putting everyone else first. It might feel uncomfortable to say, “I need an hour to myself today” or “I need help with the kids so I can rest.” But assertiveness is about speaking up for yourself in a way that is calm, respectful, and firm. It’s not about demanding or pushing others aside; it’s about finding a way to meet your needs while maintaining a loving and supportive family dynamic.

Here are some ways you can practice assertiveness in your self-care:

      • Set Clear Boundaries: Boundaries are essential for protecting your time and energy. Communicate these boundaries to your family in a way that is clear but kind. For example, “I need 30 minutes of quiet time in the morning to start my day,” or “I will take a walk in the evenings to unwind, and I need you to handle bedtime for the kids during that time.”
      • Ask for Help: You don’t have to do it all. Many parents feel pressure to be superheroes, but asking for help is not a sign of weakness. Whether it’s asking your partner to take over certain tasks or arranging for a babysitter, asserting your need for support is a crucial part of self-care.
      • Make Time for Yourself: Prioritize your own well-being by scheduling time for activities that restore you. It could be something as simple as reading a book, exercising, or catching up with friends. Be firm about this time and treat it as non-negotiable. Let your family know this is your commitment to yourself, and explain why it’s important.
      • Learn to Say No: Part of assertiveness is knowing when to say no to additional responsibilities that would overwhelm you. This can be difficult for parents who are used to saying yes to every request, but protecting your energy is essential for long-term well-being. Be kind but firm when you decline extra tasks or social obligations, and explain that you’re prioritizing your self-care.

Overcoming Guilt and Resistance

One of the biggest barriers to practicing assertive self-care is guilt. Many parents feel guilty for taking time away from their children or partner, even if it’s for something as simple as a quiet hour to rest. Remember that self-care is not selfish—it’s what allows you to be the best version of yourself for your family.

You may also face resistance from others, especially if they are used to you always being available. Be prepared for this and stand firm in your boundaries. Explain that taking care of yourself is how you’re able to show up fully for them. Over time, they will come to respect your need for self-care as much as you do.

Reclaiming Balance

Balancing self-care with parenting and relationships is a challenge, but it’s necessary. By practicing assertiveness, you’re not only ensuring that your needs are met but also setting a powerful example for your children. They will learn that caring for oneself is just as important as caring for others and that setting boundaries is part of maintaining healthy, respectful relationships.

Remember, you deserve care, too. By being assertive and prioritizing self-care, you’re giving yourself the space to thrive—and in turn, you’re giving your family the gift of a happier, more balanced parent.

Final Thought:

How can you start practicing assertiveness in your self-care this week? Take that first step—your well-being matters.

Joe is a husband, father, grandfather, author, speaker, educator, course creator, and parent/family coach.

He helps parents develop unity, find clarity, communicate, and develop consistency in their parenting with the Four C’s of Successful Families. You can find his work on social media.

In addition, the Four C’s newsletter is enjoyed by many as it encourages parents to self-care, build their relationships with their partners, and raise their children. 

And he loves to golf! 

Joseph Michael
Assertiveness in Family Life: Striking the Right Balance

Assertiveness in Family Life: Striking the Right Balance

by | Oct 1, 2024 | Virtues

 

Assertiveness is vital, allowing individuals to speak their truth with peaceful confidence. It involves recognizing one’s worth, setting boundaries without guilt, and standing up for what is right with dignity. Rooted in self-respect, assertiveness allows us to express our needs and beliefs positively, clearly, and respectfully. It’s about making simple requests without demands or manipulation.

This virtue is crucial for healthy communication and mutual respect in family life. However, like all virtues, assertiveness can become overdeveloped or underdeveloped, leading to unhealthy dynamics—especially between parents and children. Striking the right balance is essential to foster harmony and respect in the family.

Assertiveness in Parents: When It’s Overdeveloped or Underdeveloped

In parents, overdeveloped assertiveness can manifest as an authoritarian style of communication. Parents may feel so strongly about their beliefs and needs that they dominate conversations, leaving little room for the perspectives of others, particularly their children. In this scenario, assertiveness turns into rigidity. These parents may set boundaries with little regard for flexibility, and instead of making simple requests, they might issue ultimatums. This can stifle open communication and create a tense environment where children feel unheard or undervalued.

On the other hand, underdeveloped assertiveness in parents often leads to a permissive or overly accommodating parenting style. These parents may struggle to voice their needs or set clear boundaries, fearing conflict or rejection. They may avoid making requests or asking for respect, allowing their children to overstep boundaries without consequence. In this case, the lack of assertiveness undermines the parent’s authority and can lead to a household where chaos and disrespect reign, as children are not guided toward understanding limits.

Assertiveness in Children: The Extremes

For children, overdeveloped assertiveness can resemble entitlement or defiance. A child who is too assertive may insist on their needs being met immediately, with little consideration for the needs of others. They might make demands instead of respectful requests or challenge authority in a way that disrupts family harmony. This overemphasis on speaking their truth without the balance of empathy or respect can lead to conflict and strained relationships within the family.

Conversely, underdeveloped assertiveness in children often looks like passivity. These children may struggle to express their needs, opinions, or boundaries. They may defer too quickly to others, avoid standing up for themselves, or become overly dependent on their parents to speak for them. This lack of confidence can affect their self-worth and lead to resentment or feelings of invisibility as their needs and desires go unmet.

Balancing Assertiveness with Other Virtues

It must be balanced with other virtues to prevent assertiveness from becoming overdeveloped or underdeveloped. Here are several virtues that can help keep assertiveness in check:

1. Humility 

   Humility balances assertiveness by reminding us that while it is important to speak our truth, it is equally important to remain open to the truth and perspectives of others. It helps parents and children approach conversations with a willingness to listen and learn rather than assert their views.

2. Empathy 

   Empathy ensures that assertiveness does not become selfish or demanding. It encourages parents and children to consider how their words and actions affect others, fostering mutual respect and understanding in family interactions. When we assert ourselves with empathy, we maintain the dignity of others while standing up for our own needs.

3. Patience 

   Patience tempers assertiveness, especially in moments of frustration. It encourages parents to give their children the time and space they need to express themselves fully and reminds children to be patient when their needs aren’t immediately met. Patience allows for calm, measured communication rather than reactive or impulsive demands.

4. Self-Control 

   Self-control helps individuals practice assertiveness without letting emotions like anger or frustration take over. It ensures that assertiveness remains peaceful and respectful, preventing it from becoming aggressive or dominant. Both parents and children benefit from cultivating self-control to maintain harmony in their relationships.

5. Respect 

   While assertiveness demands that we honor our worth, respect ensures that we also honor the worth of others. It helps parents set boundaries in a way that is considerate of their children’s feelings, and it teaches children to express their needs without disregarding the authority or feelings of their parents.

6. Flexibility 

   Flexibility balances assertiveness by allowing for adaptability in the face of new information or changing circumstances. For parents, this means being willing to adjust boundaries or rules when appropriate. For children, it involves learning when to compromise or reconsider their position in light of others’ needs.

7. Gratitude 

   Gratitude tempers assertiveness by appreciating what we already have rather than focusing solely on unmet needs or desires. In family life, gratitude can soften assertiveness by reminding parents and children to express their needs with a sense of appreciation for the existing relationship and support.

Assertiveness is a powerful virtue that allows us to express our truth with confidence and dignity, fostering healthy relationships within the family. However, when taken to extremes—whether overdeveloped or underdeveloped—it can disrupt family dynamics, leading to either dominance or passivity. By balancing assertiveness with virtues like humility, empathy, and respect, families can cultivate an environment where everyone feels heard, valued, and respected. When practiced in harmony with these virtues, assertiveness serves as a foundation for open communication, healthy boundaries, and strong, loving relationships within the family.

Joe is a husband, father, grandfather, author, speaker, educator, course creator, and parent/family coach.

He helps parents develop unity, find clarity, communicate, and develop consistency in their parenting with the Four C’s of Successful Families. You can find his work on social media.

In addition, the Four C’s newsletter is enjoyed by many as it encourages parents to self-care, build their relationships with their partners, and raise their children. 

And he loves to golf! 

Joseph Michael
Balancing the Virtue of Mercy in Family Life

Balancing the Virtue of Mercy in Family Life

by | May 28, 2024 | Parenting, Virtues

Applying mercy within a family, especially when raising children, is a delicate and vital endeavor. Here’s how the concepts of overdeveloped and underdeveloped mercy can manifest within a family context, along with how the balancing virtues can help maintain a healthy balance:

Overdeveloped Mercy in a Family with Children:

  1. Excessive Indulgence: Overdeveloped mercy in a family with children may lead to excessive indulgence, where parents constantly give in to their children’s desires and demands without setting appropriate boundaries. This can result in spoiled and entitled behavior.
  2. Lack of Discipline: Parents with an overdeveloped sense of mercy might hesitate to enforce rules and consequences for misbehavior. This can lead to a lack of discipline, and children may not learn responsibility and accountability.
  3. Avoiding Tough Conversations: Overemphasis on mercy may result in avoiding necessary discussions about challenging topics such as consequences for actions or addressing behavioral issues. This can hinder children’s emotional and moral development.

Underdeveloped Mercy in a Family with Children:

  1. Rigidity and Harshness: An underdeveloped sense of mercy within a family can manifest as strict adherence to rules and a lack of understanding or compassion for children’s mistakes. This can create an atmosphere of fear and resentment.
  2. Unforgiving Attitude: Parents with underdeveloped mercy may hold grudges or be unforgiving of their children’s errors, failing to recognize that mistakes are a part of the learning process. This can harm the parent-child relationship and hinder emotional growth.
  3. Lack of Emotional Support: An underdeveloped sense of mercy may result in parents neglecting to provide emotional support and comfort to their children when they face challenges or difficulties, leading to emotional distress.

Balancing Virtues in Family with Children:

    1. Justice: In a family setting, justice ensures that consequences are fair and appropriate for the child’s actions, promoting accountability and growth.
    2. Wisdom: Wisdom guides parents in making decisions that balance mercy and justice, taking into account the child’s age, maturity, and the specific circumstances of each situation.
    3. Courage: Courage is needed to enforce rules and provide consequences when necessary, even when it’s challenging, to ensure that children learn responsibility.
    4. Humility: Humility reminds parents of their own imperfections and the need for understanding and forgiveness, fostering a compassionate and forgiving attitude toward their children.
    5. Compassion: Compassion encourages parents to empathize with their children’s struggles and provide emotional support, nurturing a sense of security and trust within the family.

Balancing mercy with these virtues in a family with children helps create a loving and supportive environment where children learn responsibility, accountability, and empathy while feeling secure in their parents’ love and guidance. It’s essential for parents to find the right balance between mercy and justice to raise well-rounded and emotionally healthy children who can navigate the complexities of life with resilience and compassion.

Joe is a husband, father, grandfather, author, speaker, educator, course creator, and parent/family coach.

He helps parents develop unity, find clarity, communicate, and develop consistency in their parenting with the Four C’s of Successful Families. You can find his work on social media.

In addition, the Four C’s newsletter is enjoyed by many as it encourages parents to self-care, build their relationships with their partners, and raise their children. 

And he loves to golf! 

Joseph Michael