5 Tips for Helping You Unwind When Worried

5 Tips for Helping You Unwind When Worried

5 Tips to Help You Unwind

Some days we’d rather not go through. Let’s face it, we all go through times of intense stress and worry. The idea of unwinding at all in these circumstances can feel impossible. At the same time, it’s these bad days where we need to unwind more than ever.

With this in mind, let’s take a look at several tips designed to help you unwind even when you’re worried.

Start By Getting Back into the Moment

A lot of what we’re doing when we’re worrying is living in the future. We’re caught in a world of ‘what if’ and speculation. This is why it’s crucial to get back into the here and now. Mindfulness or meditation can help you focus on where you are right now. Close your eyes and focus on your breathing. Don’t allow thoughts to intrude. Instead, allow yourself to drift, thinking about what you hear or smell. It doesn’t have to take long. Even a few minutes of mindfulness will help you to unwind significantly.

Are You Being Reasonable?

What are you worried about most often? Is this a reasonable worry? Sometimes all we need to unwind is a quick reality check. You might be overthinking things. If you’re not sure if you see the situation clearly, this might be a good time to talk to someone else about what’s going on. Do they see things the same way?

Let Go

There are some things you’re not going to be able to change about what’s going on right now. Remind yourself whatever is happening is just another piece of this particular segment of your life. You will get through it. You’ll find it easier to relax if you can release what is out of your control.

Forget the Fortune-Teller

Sometimes hen we’re worried, we’re falling into the trap of thinking things are very black and white. Generally speaking, things are seldom as bad as we imagine them to be. Take a deep breath and let the situation unfold as it will without trying to predict the future.

What Are You Telling Yourself?

Sometimes we get in the habit of seeking out the negative, especially when it comes to ourselves. Could it be you’re worried about something which isn’t even true? Consider the words you use when talking to yourself. If you’re using more negative than positive phrasing, start changing the dialogue to more positive statements. It’s a lot easier to unwind when you’re not beating yourself up all the time.

While these tips might not necessarily solve the crisis in your life, they’ll help you to put even difficult times into a better perspective, allowing you to at least take some time to breathe and figure out the next steps. Truly, you’ve got this!

Remember, worrying is a normal part of life, but it’s important to not let it consume you.

Distorted thinking that starts much of our worrying crushes our self esteem with feelings of despair, failure, anger, frustration, hopelessness, resentment and anxiety. This leads to doing and saying things we later regret and never solves any problem. It only leads to a high degree of dissatisfaction in life.

While these tips might not necessarily solve the crisis you are feeling in the moment, they’ll help you to put even difficult times into a better perspective, allowing you to at least take some time to breathe and figure out the next steps.

Take it one step at a time. Focus on the present moment. Analyze your thought process. Ask yourself if you have proof to support this thought? Approach the issue from a different perspective and know you are not alone.

Believe in yourself and your abilities. You are capable of achieving great things, and you have the power to overcome any obstacle.

Keep a positive mindset, take action towards your goals.

You’ve got this!

I invite you to sign up for our newsletter. It is a great way to get the Virtue of the Month and tips on relationships, parenting, and self-care. In addition, you’ll be the first to know about upcoming classes for successful families.

To sign up, visit the “Newsletter” section here on the website. Enter your email address, and you’ll receive our newsletter in your inbox on Wednesdays.  I appreciate your interest in bringing out the best in your children and yourself. We look forward to keeping you informed through our newsletter!

Lessons Learned from a Crisis

Lessons Learned from a Crisis

Lessons Learned from a Crisis

Have you found yourself and your family in a challenging situation that is difficult to cope with and is causing stress? It becomes even harder when there are no easy answers or apparent sources of support. 

It could be something totally out of the blue, like a death in the family, a fire in your house, or losing a job. It could also have some good parts, like winning the lottery or being asked to move for a better job. 

Anytime family structure or situations change, there can be challenges with stress. Getting married, having children, starting a new school year, and retiring seem like regular life events. Still, there are adjustments and rearrangements of roles and responsibilities. 

So, while a family crisis is naturally stressful, it is more easily dealt with when everyone has clarity about family values and consistently develops their virtues in a balanced way. Communicating openly and honestly with trust in each other’s support is also helpful in overcoming the immediate situation.

Also helpful is accepting the hardship, using your energy to meet the challenge, and figuring out your options to move forward. Don’t blame each other; be patient and manage your stress. There will always be something you can do to keep some areas of your life as normal as possible. Remain optimistic, acknowledge each other’s strengths, and express your appreciation and love for family members. All of these are good reminders, but there is even more we can do as the crisis eases or is past the critical stage.

There is now an opportunity to gain valuable knowledge and insight from experiencing and handling a crisis. While the experience is often a significant challenge, there can be a silver lining to every crisis: You can emerge from the other side with greater clarity about the essential lessons you’ve learned that can benefit you in future situations. Here are ten lessons learned from a crisis.

Lesson 1. You learn more about your true strengths and where they lie.

Until you are at the forefront of a crisis, you don’t understand how it feels to be the “in charge” person of the moment. People may turn to you during a tense, stressful crisis for guidance or advice. When you are suddenly responsible for mitigating an emergency, you may find yourself acting in new and unexpected ways. 

Crises put our bodies into “fight or flight” mode. Often, when you are the person who must step in to handle the situation, the “flight” option is gone–with others depending on you and watching you, the opportunity to run away is gone. When you decide to “fight” or take action, the stress of a crisis can bring out some previously unknown talents and strengths as your mind and body work together to get you through the problem. 

Lesson 2. You can discover where different areas of your daily life need improvements.

As you analyze a crisis once it’s ended, you can spot different areas of your daily life that need improvements. Unfortunately, people often only recognize problem areas once they have to handle them during a stressful crisis. Those problem areas are extra prominent amid the chaos when you’re ultra-stressed. 

For example, if you’re having issues with your partner, they may be manageable until you’re both flung into a crisis. Then, your arguments and fighting may become insufferable during all that extra stress. After the problem ends, you can evaluate the relationship and see where improvements are needed. 

Lesson 3. You become more aware of yourself and others in your personal space.

A crisis sets people on edge. Family members can experience increased vulnerability, anxiety, and confusion. The stress of everything happening so suddenly is frightening and startling–often, a crisis arises with little to no warning. 

After one of these “surprise” crises, you learn a valuable lesson in self-awareness. By being more aware of yourself and the people around you, you can often detect changes and potential new crises emerging. 

Lesson 4. You appreciate the little things in life a little bit more.

After a crisis rocks your world to its core, you learn to appreciate the little things in life more. Previous superficial desires (like having the fanciest car or buying the nicest house) fall to the wayside during a crisis. After the situation ends, you’ll appreciate your life’s more minor yet priceless aspects, such as relationships. 

Lesson 5. You learn to treat people with a little extra empathy, kindness, and grace.

One of the best resources during a crisis is other people who care and want to help. After your problem ends, you can remember how nice it is to have a kind person on your side. Use that memory to remind yourself to be kind to others experiencing crises. When someone treats you unkindly, you can ask yourself, “I wonder what they are going through?” or “What is happening to them right now?”

Lesson 6. You develop an understanding of what’s truly most important in your life.

A crisis sheds a lot of light on life’s most important aspects. When facing an emergency, many of life’s other little struggles and worries tend to fade away so you can focus on handling the crisis. After a problem subsides, consider what was most important during the most challenging parts of your life, and remember to treasure those parts of your life most. 

Lesson 7. You develop a keener sense of preparedness. 

Future crises can be avoided (or, at the very least, softened) with some preparedness. Coming out of a predicament you weren’t prepared for, you learn to become a “prepper,” or someone who plans for potential future issues. 

Lesson 8. You learn to spend more time caring for your mental health.

You are your own most significant asset. After handling a crisis, you learn a valuable lesson in mental health awareness. Caring for yourself and your mental health is vital since you depend on yourself so much, including getting through life’s most demanding situations. Use this lesson to spend time caring for your mental health–you will feel better and set yourself up for success in a future crisis. 

Lesson 9. You develop more of a “big picture” outlook on life. 

After a crisis, reflect on what happened during the main event. Often, you’ll discover that many different things were happening during the central turmoil—it may even seem like lots of tiny crises were happening concurrently. 

This experience, while unpleasant, can help you approach a future crisis with a “big picture” outlook, meaning you’re paying attention to multiple aspects of a situation at once. 

Instead of focusing solely on the crisis, you’ll be able to maintain some attention on other important things without totally neglecting other aspects of your life during an emergency. Unfortunately, when something terrible happens, other parts of life don’t stop–keeping this “big picture” awareness will help you maintain some balance. 

Lesson 10. You carry away a unique lesson that will help you handle (or even avoid) a similar crisis in the future. 

Being in crisis mode is awful. But, no matter the crisis, you can exit each situation with a new lesson learned and take that knowledge forward with you. So, at the end of every problem, evaluate the events. 

Ask yourself what you experienced, what those experiences taught you, and how you can use that information in a future similar situation.

Use your time now and after difficult times to strengthen family ties, communicate with clarity your family values, and encourage each other as you work to develop the virtues you aspire to. Do things together as a family, plan for fun things and the future, and use your family meetings to appreciate and acknowledge the good in each other as well as solve minor issues. Focus on what you want for your family while using the lessons you have learned from the crisis to grow yourself.

I invite you to sign up for our newsletter. It is a great way to get the Virtue of the Month and tips on relationships, parenting, and self-care. In addition, you’ll be the first to know about upcoming classes for successful families.

To sign up, visit the “Newsletter” section here on the website. Enter your email address, and you’ll receive our newsletter in your inbox on Wednesdays.  I appreciate your interest in bringing out the best in your children and yourself. We look forward to keeping you informed through our newsletter!

50 Excellent Rules For Living Your Best Life

50 Excellent Rules For Living Your Best Life

50 Rules for Living Your Best Life is a great reminder! Use it for yourself and for your children. As I thought about these, I was thinking how I wish I had these when I was growing up.

Get the complete list in PDF format here: https://bit.ly/50RulesBestLife

 

Some of these rules for a best life you are already saying to yourself and your children. Like you tell your kids to:

  • Practice Gratitude
  • Own up to your mistakes
  • Limit time on social media

Other rules may be ones you practice, but your kids need to hear them too so they can start applying them now and for the future:

  • Don’t do permanent damage in a temporary argument
  • Let go of what you can’t control.
  • Comparison is the thief of joy.

Get the full list in a PDF here https://bit.ly/50RulesBestLife

I invite you to sign up for our newsletter. Our newsletter is a great way to get the Virtue of the Month and tips on relationships, parenting, and self-care. In addition, you’ll be the first to know about upcoming classes for successful families.

To sign up, visit our website and look for the “Newsletter” section. Enter your email address, and you’ll receive our newsletter in your inbox on Wednesdays.

Follow us on Facebook – https://www.facebook.com/CoachJosephMichael

Twitter Daily Virtues Pick – https://twitter.com/joevandeuren 

5 Things to Ask When Looking for a Fresh Start

5 Things to Ask When Looking for a Fresh Start

5 Things to Ask When Looking for a Fresh Start

That’s it! You’ve had it!

Life is just not going as well as you’d like. It’s time for a change, a Fresh Start if you will. But how do you know where to even begin? Especially if you’re still neck-deep in a life you want to escape.

It’s simple. You start by asking yourself these five questions:

The five questions are all about CLARITY, the first C of the Four C’s . No matter if the changes you are looking to have in life are about relationships, career, health, friendship, spiritual health or another part of life, finding clarity is the first step. You may begin with listing what you value, the virtues you are aspiring to and then answer these five questions

What Are You Looking For?

Too often, what we’re thinking is a change in our life is nothing more than a dressed-up version of the old. To avoid falling into this trap, start looking for real and actual change. Start by asking the hard questions: What do you want out of life? How are you not getting this? What would you need to do to attain this? What’s one positive change which would place you closer to this dream?

How Many Risks Are You Willing to Take?

Fresh starts will demand a certain commitment from you, which manifests in how much of yourself you’re willing to put into the project. If you’re not willing to risk a new way of life, or much in the way of change, you’re not going to have much success. 

What is Different About the Life You’re Proposing

If you’re looking for a new beginning, there has to be something ‘new,’ or you’re not starting over at all. You are merely continuing what you’ve been doing all along. What is the thing you haven’t done before?

What Are You Giving Up?

A new beginning means something else is ending. What are you leaving behind? Keep in mind this question doesn’t necessarily imply you need to abandon every aspect of your past. Sometimes we’re leaving behind only a small part of our life.

Are You Truly Ready to Let Go of the Past?

This last question can be hard because you might not know this answer until you’ve begun. Every fresh start is doomed to failure if you’re weighed down with a lot of baggage from the past. At the very least, though, it helps to have a positive attitude about letting go and are willing to do the work to make this happen.

In the end, these questions will give you some idea of what to expect as you embark on this journey of letting go. After all, being prepared truly is half the battle. 

 

 

If you want to go deeper into this subject I am releasing a book on January 7, 2022 titled My Best Self, Starting Fresh – A New Beginning. It is available here https://josephmichael.coach/books/

 

5 Tips to Get to Know Yourself Better

5 Tips to Get to Know Yourself Better

Practicing Self-Discipline Brings Great Results

Discipline is a term people toss around a lot. But what is it exactly? Is it the ability to control your impulses? The ability to focus on complex tasks even when you don't feel like it? Or maybe the ability to adhere to rules and guidelines even if you don't like them?

Here are five of the best tips to get to know yourself better. These tips will help jump-start your journey into self-reflection. By finding the answers you’ve been looking for, you can start to strive toward your true potential.

Let’s get started.

Tip #1: Be Still

For many people, it’s hard to sit alone in a quiet room and contemplate. They become uncomfortable and agitated.

Still, this is an important step to get to know the inner you, the part of you that is your true self. Be brave in the face of your imperfections and the self-talk. As soon as you begin to embrace the good as the real you; you can start discovering your true self.

It all starts when you take the time to sit still and listen to yourself. Think of it as a form of mindfulness meditation where you focus completely on the present moment.

Tip #2: Ask the Right Questions

Too many times, we knock ourselves down through negative self-talk. Instead, talk to yourself as you would a friend. Be kind and show empathy. The best way to do that is by asking self-discovery questions so you can get to know yourself better.

Write down the answers on post-its and hang them up next to your bed or bathroom mirror. You can also jot the answers down in a journal. In fact, experts say are journals are one of the most effective tools of self-awareness.

Here are some important questions you can ask yourself today:

  • What are my core values?
  • Who’s my biggest role model? Why?
  • What makes me feel safe? Or Who?
  • What are my short-term and long-term goals?

At the end of this article, you can download a full list of self-discovery questions.

Tip #3: Find Your Strengths

Each one of us is here for a reason. Each of us, adults and children have their own unique gifts, talents, skills, and temperament. Some things just come more naturally to each of us better than others. That’s the natural order of things.

Knowing what you’re good at is necessary on the journey of finding who you really are. Focusing on your strengths boosts self-confidence and increases your drive to achieve more. Only then, will you be able to make room for better, more productive things in your life.

Let’s not forget that it’s just as important to figure out what you’re not good at. Allow yourself to try different things. Then, by trial and error, you’ll know exactly what you’re good at and what you should steer clear of.

Interestingly enough, your strengths will almost always align with your core values. Together, they can help you manage your life path, both at home and at work.

Tip #4: Discover Your Passion

Now that you know what you’re good at, it’s time to hone in on the things that excite you and give your life meaning. This can be one thing or twenty—the point is to follow through.

Having that drive gives you purpose and strength. You savor each moment and push yourself to achieve new goals.

This positive energy you exude when you’re doing something you’re passionate about is vital. It allows you to want to be better and do more. That can only come when you truly enjoy what you’re doing.

Tip #5: Determine Your Call to Action

Your core values, purpose, and passion is unique to you. Now what is your call to action for those core values?

What are the behaviors you want to practice, that line up with your values? When you call yourself to action by behaving as your best self, your confidence rises, you feel good about yourself, you feel in alignment with your inner being.

When you feel frustrated, depressed, or angry it simply means you are not aligned with what you value.

This is one form of self-care that will work wonders for your self-esteem. Get to know yourself better and live your best self.  Watch those around you, especially your family respect you.

In Conclusion

We hope you found these five tips to get to know yourself better helpful. Figuring out who you are as an individual has many advantages for yourself and your family.

The most significant is that it puts things in perspective. It allows you to feel comfortable in the choices and decisions you make for yourself and your family. Knowing who you are keeps you from being swayed or overly influenced by the choices of others.

As a result, you’re able to focus more on your personal strengths and be more accepting of your weaknesses. Socrates also said, “Be as you wish to seem.” In other words, when you know what you want out of life, you know what you don’t want and the only thing that can hold you back is your imagination. So, be bold and dream big!

Getting to know yourself better is part of the first ‘C’ in the Four C’s of Successful Families. CLARITY is about the unifying set of values, virtues, mission, and purpose for your unique family (Team).  The other C’s are COMMUNICATION, CONSISTENCY, & COMMUNITY.

 

Want help getting to know yourself better? Download your full list of self-discovery questions. If you want, share them with other members of your family, especially your partner.

Self-Discovery Questions Download Below

5 Things to Ask When Looking for a Fresh Start

Personal Development: Ten Character Traits Worth Developing

Personal Development

Many adults in their professional lives are required to take Professional Development (PD) courses. They do so willingly or sometimes reluctantly with the hope of improving their status or ability to make progress in their career.

Many more adults delve into personal development courses, books, seminars, webinars, and coaches. They do so with a thirst to create the best version of themselves in their relationships with a partner, as a parent or bottom line – they are looking for greater joy, happiness, and success in life. 

There is little we can do as a parent that has more impact on our family than developing our own character, balancing the virtues that fill us. What we role model for our children, informs them of what is important to us as their leader.  

Why Build A Good Character

“You are your most important critic and your conscience your most important judge of character.”

Denis Waitley

Take a moment first to remind yourself that you have all of the virtues already. Building character is about developing / balancing those virtues and living up to your full potential. Virtues are a part of your inner-being. They might be shown in positive or negative ways or they may be over or underdeveloped, but they are there in full potential.

Personal development begins as we clarify how we want to be in this world and then act on those ideals and values consistently. Living a balanced life impacts how you feel about yourself and those in your sphere of influence, especially your children.

How Good Character Traits Help

  • Gain trust and respect from others.
  • Inspire and motivate others to build good character.
  • Improves confidence and self-respect.
  • Provide a core for making major choices and decisions.
  • Display leadership attributes in both professional and personal endeavors.
  • Also, good character traits are the backbone of a wholesome functioning society.

While the development of your virtues is not without stress, successfully developing these traits can be amongst the most pleasant and satisfying endeavors.

People often fall into the trap of thinking their character is fixed and cannot be changed. They assume they are either good or bad. However, research has shown that character is malleable. Virtues can be developed and balanced over time with practice and devotion.

Here is a list of 10 character traits/virtues worth developing. Each of them will impact every role you play in life – especially parenting. Working on all ten at once might be quite impossible, so a good idea is to pick one of these qualities and get started. 

Humility

This is the quality of being humble. The feeling or attitude that you are not more special, or more important than others. No man is an island and being a humble person entails accepting the contribution of other individuals in helping you accomplish all you have achieved. Acknowledging the role of your mentors, role models, and everyone else who’s helped you reach your goal. Humility helps us to learn from our mistakes and ask for help when needed.

Contentment

This is the mental and emotional state of content and satisfaction drawn from being at ease with one’s situation. According to research, this is the state of acceptance of one’s situation and is a less tentative feeling of happiness. 

However, a thin line separates lack of ambition and contentment. Contentment does not mean that you lack dreams, mission or purpose. Contentment is a place to stand and view the future with appreciation for what is and all that is to come in the future. We can be content and trust that the Universe will answer the desires we have for the future.

Reliability

Successfully fulfilling whatever has been entrusted to you is an amazing character trait. Being considered as someone reliable and dependable even when it requires some sacrifice to deliver is a positive character trait worth developing. Reliable individuals choose their commitments with care and take responsibility for the promises they have made.

Determination

This is the positive emotional feeling that entails persisting in pursuing a challenging goal despite the presence of obstacles. Determination serves as motivation to achieve a goal, and it usually precedes the achievement of said goals. Everyone loves a determined person who works steadily to achieve their goals; because it demonstrates that you care about something so much that even when it is hard, you still keep going.

Patience

This character trait is amongst the most neglected trait in today’s fast-paced world. This involves waiting for the right things to happen at the right time. It is the capacity to delay satisfaction and having self control. You cannot control the way someone else is acting or when your goals aren’t met on the time schedule you had hoped for. Patience is amongst the top character traits worth developing.

Honesty

Truthfulness and honesty to others and yourself is a good indicator of a responsible individual. Apart from being respected by others, an honest individual has better odds of being genuinely happy and living long as compared to not being true to yourself. Amongst the leading reasons for being dishonest is the fear of consequences. This can be overcome by having the courage to face the consequences of our actions, however dreadful they might be.

Courage

This is the willingness and ability to confront uncertainty, danger, intimidation, pain, or agony despite fear and doing what needs to be done even if it is hard or scary. This is a good character trait worth developing as it helps us to face the truth and mistakes we make with a readiness to try again. Once you are courageous, you’ll face the unknown and explore the world around you rather than being held back by fear.

Compassion

According to research, this is a desirable and admirable character trait, especially when placed side by side with the alternative of being judgmental, critical, or indifferent to the plight of others. Having compassion for ourselves is as important as showing we care for others. Compassion is especially important in a world that can be hard and lonely, 

Flexibility

This virtue is about being capable of adjusting to new situations and conditions. While there are times where standing your ground and being rigid has its benefits, it more often than not gets in the way of progress. This trait entails being resilient enough to adjust and adapt to new information and situations rather than being rigid.

Self-Discipline

While the above character traits are important and worth developing, self-discipline helps ensure you do not allow emotions to control decisions or responses to challenges. Self-discipline helps us to create structure in our life, using routines and rituals so you have time to fill personal needs and those of our family. You have the ability to think, learn, absorb, and know when to act on strong impulses.

There you have 10 virtues that are worth developing personally and in your children, so your family lives united, happy, and successful lives. Living life to its full potential is the reason we developed the framework for the Four C’s of Successful Families. I desire to see every family safe, healthy, successful and happy. Therefore, each stage of the Four C’s, Clarity, Communication, Consistency, and Community brings out the best in ourselves, in our families, and our life.

Where to begin

The Four C’s of Successful Families begins with Clarity. Clarity begins with each of us as individuals and then is united with those we love. We cannot lead a family or any group without first being clear about who we are, what we stand for, and what we want to accomplish in the roles that we play. 

To gain clarity begin by identifying the roles that you play in life, both personal and professional. To get you started here is a brief list that you can choose from and add to as you think of the roles you are filling:

  • father/mother
  • husband/wife/partner/Significant other
  • sibling
  • friend
  • employee
  • boss
  • volunteer
  • Member of a civic org.
  • Member of a faith organization 
  • son/daughter
  • aunt, uncle, cousin etc.
  • NAME YOUR OTHER ROLES

As you look at these roles choose four of the most important to you at this moment.

Then consider the following questions.

Write a description of your best self in each of those roles.

  • Describe how do you want to be in each of those roles? 
  • How do the virtues listed above look in the roles you have listed?
  • What behaviors or practices would demonstrate those virtues in the roles you chose to examine? 
  • Are there other character traits or virtues that are more important to you in those roles so that you can be the best version of yourself? (See a list of 100 virtues here)

Personal development gives parents more authority to guide and correct children, while  helping yourself and them develop the virtues inside of them.

As you fill in the grid by answering these questions you will begin to notice that some of the same characteristics or virtues keep showing up in all of your roles. Those virtues are certainly ones that are important to you to practice on a regular basis as they demonstrate what you value in life.

The virtues that keep coming up on your grid no doubt, are important to you to develop in your children. Consider for a few minutes how you can help your child or children to develop those virtues in themselves.

While doing all of this, be careful that you are not influenced by what others insist is important or what society demands from you. Each of us is unique, your family is unique and how you want to present yourself and your family is up to you individually.

When a parent is working on themselves, children are taking notice. Personal development gives parents more authority to guide and correct children, while helping yourself and them develop the virtues inside of them.

See a full list of 100 Virtues with descriptions and practices at:

https://josephmichael.coach/100-virtues/

Is there something you are struggling with in family life? Are you looking for ways to bring out the best in yourself and your children? Want to learn how the Four C’s of Successful Families can work for your family?  

Contact me for a free discovery session. 

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