virtues | Joseph Michael

Modesty

by Joe Van Deuren | Jul 3, 2021 | Virtues

Description

Modesty is a sense of quiet confidence and self-respect, which allows us to enjoy our accomplishments without inflating our self-importance. We have no need to brag or attract attention. We know we are worthy just as we are. We have a sense of respectful privacy about our bodies. We have reasonable expectations of ourselves. We resist the drive to overdo. Modesty allows us to accept praise with gratitude. We have no need to raise ourselves above others. We share the glory. We are grateful for the gifts we have, and we honor the gifts that others have too.

Quote

“You have a good many little gifts and virtues, but there is no need of parading them, for conceit spoils the finest genius. There is not much danger that real talent or goodness will be overlooked long, and the great charm of all power is modesty.”

— Louisa May Alcott

The Practice of Modesty

I am comfortable being who I am.
I have no need to exaggerate my importance.
I treat my body with respect.
I refuse to overdo.
I share credit for success.
I am simply grateful for my accomplishments.

Definitions and practices of virtue are used with permission from the Virtues Project™.

In Family Life

The virtue of modesty is demonstrated through a humble and respectful approach to personal and familial matters. It involves refraining from excessive self-promotion or boasting and instead fostering an environment where each family member values the contributions and feelings of others equally. Modesty within a family manifests in active listening, empathetic communication, and a willingness to share responsibilities without seeking undue recognition.

It also includes maintaining a sense of privacy and discretion, respecting each member’s boundaries, and avoiding excessive materialism or extravagance, ensuring that the family’s focus remains on shared values, mutual support, and the well-being of its members. Ultimately, modesty in a family nurtures humility, strengthens bonds, and promotes a sense of unity and harmony among its members.

Balancing Modesty

These balancing virtues of modesty allow us to appreciate our worth while acknowledging the worth of those we encounter.

- - Humility: Humility complements Modesty by helping us acknowledge our achievements without diminishing our self-worth. It encourages a balanced perspective, allowing us to accept praise with gratitude while maintaining a sense of humility in our interactions.
  - Respect: Respect for ourselves and others reinforces Modesty’s core principle of self-respect and acknowledging the worth of those around us. It ensures that we honor the privacy and boundaries of others while upholding our own.
  - Gratitude: Gratitude aligns with Modesty by fostering an appreciation for our gifts and accomplishments without becoming boastful. It reminds us to be thankful for what we have and to recognize the contributions of others in our journey.
  - Empathy: Empathy helps us understand and appreciate the experiences and feelings of others, preventing us from overshadowing them with our achievements. It encourages us to share the glory and celebrate the successes of those around us.

In pursuing a virtuous life, Modesty is a beacon of balance between self-assuredness and humility.

Moderation

by Joe Van Deuren | Jul 3, 2021 | Virtues

Description

Moderation is the art of finding balance, embracing “enough” without reaching for excess. It is about tuning into our own unique rhythm, allowing a balance between work, rest, reflection, and enjoyment. With moderation, we develop the self-discipline to set boundaries that respect our energy and time. This virtue guards against the lure of excessive desires, whether in ambition, material pursuits, or emotional attachments, helping us find contentment without feeling deprived.

Choosing moderation means knowing ourselves well enough to prioritize what truly matters—saying “yes” to what enriches us and “no” to what drains us. It allows us to live with purpose, free from the constant drive to have more or be more than we need to be. Moderation is about loving and honoring ourselves, realizing that a fulfilling life is not about quantity but quality. Embracing moderation fosters a life of steady joy, where we savor each moment without becoming weighed down by the pressures of “more.” This virtue leads to a sustainable, peaceful approach to life that enriches all areas, fostering resilience and genuine satisfaction.

Affirmations for Moderation

1. I honor my limits and find balance in all areas of my life.
This reminds you to respect your boundaries, avoiding burnout and excess.

2. I choose what nourishes my body, mind, and spirit.
Focusing on nourishment over indulgence helps you make healthier, more fulfilling choices.

3. I embrace simplicity and let go of what I don’t need.
This affirmation encourages a life of ease, free from clutter and excess.

4. I am content with what I have; I release the need for more.
Practicing contentment reduces the impulse for constant acquisition, bringing peace.

5. I balance work with rest, creating harmony in my life.
By recognizing the need for both productivity and rest, this helps prevent overwork and exhaustion.

6. I choose quality over quantity in all areas of my life.
Valuing depth over abundance fosters a meaningful approach to relationships, possessions, and experiences.

7. I trust that I have enough and that I am enough.
This affirmation builds self-assurance and prevents the drive for excess in trying to prove worth.

8. I find joy in simplicity and savor life’s small moments.
Appreciating simplicity helps shift focus from acquiring more to truly enjoying what is present.

9. I listen to my body and respect its need for balance.
Tuning into physical needs for rest, movement, and nourishment supports sustainable health and well-being.

10. I set boundaries to protect my time and energy.
Boundaries allow you to say “no” when needed, fostering moderation in commitments and relationships.

Quotes

“Moderation in all things.” — Aristotle

“The acquisition of riches has been for many men, not an end, but a change, of troubles.” — Seneca

“There is more to life than increasing its speed..” — Mahatma Gandhi

Moderation In Family Life

Moderation in family life is about creating a balanced, joyful environment where each family member’s needs are respected without overdoing or underdoing. It’s finding that “just right” approach, so there’s time for connection, fun, work, rest, and individual pursuits. For parents, practicing moderation means setting boundaries around time and energy, ensuring they have enough for family but also for self-care and personal growth. It’s about choosing a pace that nurtures well-being, avoiding the stress of overscheduling, and making intentional decisions about what really matters.

For children, moderation teaches the beauty of balance: that they don’t need every toy or activity to feel happy and that true fulfillment comes from appreciating what they have and enjoying life’s small moments. In a family practicing moderation, everyone learns the value of choosing quality time over quantity, savoring experiences, and recognizing when to say “yes” and “no” in a way that aligns with family values.

Moderation in family life builds a foundation of peace, contentment, and mutual respect. It encourages everyone to be thoughtful in their actions, enjoy life fully without excess, and appreciate the simple joys of being together.

Balancing Moderation

When practiced with balance, moderation brings harmony to family life, helping everyone appreciate “just enough” without feeling deprived or overindulged. Moderation can be a positive force, helping family members enjoy life’s simple joys and focus on quality experiences. However, moderation can be over- or underdeveloped if not balanced with other virtues, leading to excess caution or neglect. Here are key virtues that help keep moderation in check, ensuring it is a healthy part of family life:

- - Courage – Encourages healthy risk-taking, reminding us that sometimes stepping outside of comfort is necessary for growth and adventure.
  - Joyfulness – Infuses family life with enthusiasm, ensuring moderation does not become restrictive but allows room for spontaneity and celebration.
  - Generosity – Promotes a giving spirit, reminding us that moderation in resources doesn’t mean withholding from others but sharing wisely.
  - Discipline – Provides the structure to stay committed to boundaries set by moderation, avoiding overindulgence in routines or habits.
  - Gratitude – Fosters appreciation for what we have, reinforcing contentment while helping us recognize when we have “enough.”
  - Flexibility – Reminds us to adapt and make exceptions when appropriate, ensuring that moderation does not become rigid or overly cautious.
  - Patience – Allows us to wait for things to come in their own time, balancing any urgency to overindulge or rush into decisions.
  - Kindness – Encourages us to support and care for each other, helping moderation in family life remain warm, empathetic, and people-centered.
  - Creativity – Inspires us to find diverse ways to enjoy family life within boundaries, making moderation a source of resourcefulness rather than limitation.
  - Justice – Ensures fairness in family decisions, allowing moderation to support equitable sharing and respect for each member’s needs.

Balancing virtues like courage, joyfulness, and generosity with moderation helps create a fulfilling, adaptable family life. Each of these virtues adds depth and richness, ensuring that moderation is neither too controlling nor too lax. This balance is essential for fostering a nurturing environment where both parents and children feel supported, energized, and free to grow into their fullest selves.

Joe is a husband, father, grandfather, author, speaker, educator, course creator, and parent/family coach.

He helps parents develop unity, find clarity, communicate, and develop consistency in their parenting with the Four C’s of Successful Families. You can find his work on social media.

In addition, the Four C’s newsletter is enjoyed by many as it encourages parents to self-care, build their relationships with their partners, and raise their children.

And he loves to golf!

Mindfulness

by Joe Van Deuren | Jul 3, 2021 | Virtues

Description

Mindfulness is living reflectively, with conscious awareness of our actions, words, and thoughts. Awake to the world around us, we fully experience our senses. We are attentive to others’ needs. We refuse to rush. Living mindfully lightens our lives by helping us to detach from our emotions. We transform anger to justice. We seek joy instead of mere desire. We cultivate our inner vision, aware of life’s lessons as they unfold. Mindfulness brings us serenity.

Quote

“Can you cleanse your inner vision until you see nothing but the light?…Can you step back from your own mind and thus understand all things?”

— Tao Te Ching

The Practice of Mindfulness

I seek always to be awake and aware.
I am considerate of the needs of others.
I keep a pace of grace.
I do not allow emotions and impulse to rule me.
I cultivate my spiritual awareness with daily reflection.
I am a lifelong learner.

Definitions and practices of virtue are used with permission from the Virtues Project™.

In Family Life

The virtue of mindfulness within a family is a beautiful tapestry woven with conscious awareness, where each member lives reflectively, fully embracing the essence of their interconnected existence. It is the art of being present in the moment, attentively listening to one another’s needs, and savoring the richness of shared experiences through heightened senses.

In the family, rushing is replaced by deliberate, thoughtful actions, and emotions are transformed into a source of insight and justice rather than impulsive reactions. Mindfulness becomes the compass guiding them towards joy, steering away from mere desire. It’s a continuous journey of inner growth, where they learn life’s invaluable lessons as a collective, fostering serenity, unity, and a deep appreciation for the precious moments they share.

Balancing Mindfulness

Mindfulness is a virtue that, when practiced in moderation, brings serenity, self-awareness, and empathy into our lives. When taken to extremes in either direction, it can lead to excessive self-criticism or impulsiveness. To balance the virtue of mindfulness in our lives, consider these virtues.

Compassion: Balancing mindfulness with compassion helps individuals remain kind and understanding towards themselves and others. It encourages a gentler approach to self-reflection and self-improvement.
Flexibility: Flexibility allows individuals to adapt mindfully to different situations, acknowledging that perfection in mindfulness is not always attainable or necessary.
Patience: Patience helps individuals slow down and think before acting, promoting more thoughtful and mindful decision-making.
Empathy: Cultivating empathy enables individuals to connect with others more deeply, understanding their needs and emotions.

We can lead more harmonious and fulfilling lives by balancing mindfulness with virtues like compassion, flexibility, patience, and empathy. Self-awareness is the first step toward developing mindfulness. It allows individuals to better understand their thoughts, feelings, and actions.

Mercy

by Joe Van Deuren | Jul 3, 2021 | Virtues

Description

Mercy is the grace of extending compassion and forgiveness to ourselves and others. It is the tender willingness to see beyond faults, mistakes, and offenses to the shared humanity within each of us. Mercy is not earned; it is freely given, a gift that transforms both the giver and the receiver.

When we practice mercy, we are moved by the suffering of others and feel a deep desire to ease their pain. Mercy goes beyond justice, offering more than what is deserved. It is a fresh start, a second chance, a reminder that no one is defined by their worst moment. Mercy lets us let go of resentment and judgment, replacing them with understanding and love.

At its heart, mercy requires humility. When we reflect on the countless moments of grace and forgiveness we have received in our own lives, we are reminded of the profound interconnectedness of all people. This awareness softens our hearts, allowing us to extend compassion to others.

To live with mercy is to embody hope. Believing in the possibility of growth, redemption, and renewal is a conscious choice. By offering the gift of mercy, we create a world where tenderness and understanding can heal wounds and inspire the courage to begin again.

Affirmations for Mercy

1. I choose to forgive others, knowing that forgiveness frees my heart.
Forgiveness releases the weight of resentment, making room for compassion and peace.

2. I will treat myself with kindness, even when I make mistakes.
Practicing self-mercy allows for growth and healing, creating a foundation for extending mercy to others.

3. I see the humanity in every person, even those who have hurt me.
Recognizing shared humanity fosters empathy and reduces judgment.

4. I let go of anger and open my heart to understanding.
Releasing anger creates space for connection and healing in relationships.

5. I offer others a fresh start, just as I would want for myself.
Giving a second chance inspires hope and supports mutual respect.

6. I will respond to mistakes with patience and compassion.
Choosing patience over frustration nurtures an environment of learning and trust.

7. I remind myself of the mercies I have received and pass them on.
Reflecting on personal experiences of mercy inspires gratitude and generosity.

8. I approach conflicts with a desire to heal, not to win.
Aiming for resolution rather than retaliation strengthens relationships and fosters harmony.

9. I embrace the power of tenderness to transform pain into love.
Tenderness allows us to soothe wounds and bridge divides.

10. I trust in the possibility of redemption for myself and others.
Believing in the capacity for change encourages a hopeful and forgiving outlook on life.

Quotes

“Mercy is better than revenge; for it is a sign of a gentle and noble soul.” — Marcus Tullius Cicero

“Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy.” — Jesus Christ, (Matthew 5:7)

“The quality of mercy is not strained. It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven upon the place beneath: it is twice blest; it blesseth him that gives and him that takes.” — William Shakespeare

Mercy In Family Life

Mercy in family life shows compassion, forgiveness, and understanding toward one another, even when mistakes or feelings are hurt. It is the willingness to see each family member not just for their actions, but for their intentions and humanity. Mercy allows families to move past conflicts with a spirit of healing and growth rather than holding onto resentment or judgment.

For parents, mercy means guiding children with patience and love, recognizing that mistakes are opportunities for learning, not condemnation. It is modeling forgiveness when your child errs, offering them the assurance that they are valued and loved unconditionally.

For children, mercy means learning to let go of grudges, forgive siblings or parents when conflicts arise, and treat family members with tenderness and empathy. Mercy teaches children that everyone deserves a chance to start anew and that kindness has the power to strengthen bonds.

As a family value, mercy creates an atmosphere of trust and emotional safety. It encourages open communication, nurtures resilience, and helps members grow into their best selves. In practicing mercy, families discover the beauty of grace—the ability to give and receive love even in imperfect moments.

Balancing Mercy

Mercy, when practiced in balance, is a transformative force that fosters forgiveness, understanding, and compassion within the family. However, like any virtue, it can become over- or underdeveloped. When mercy is overly expressed, it may lead to enabling harmful behaviors or neglecting boundaries. Conversely, when it is underdeveloped, it can result in harshness or unforgiving attitudes. Balancing mercy with complementary virtues ensures it remains a source of strength and harmony in family life.

- - Justice – Ensures fairness by addressing wrongs appropriately while still allowing space for compassion.
  - Discernment – Helps identify when mercy is appropriate and when accountability is necessary for growth.
  - Boundaries – Protects emotional and physical well-being by setting limits on behaviors that may harm family harmony.
  - Patience – Encourages understanding and measured responses, even when forgiveness takes time.
  - Responsibility – Reinforces the importance of learning from mistakes while still extending grace.
  - Honesty – Fosters open communication about how actions affect others, ensuring mercy does not excuse accountability.
  - Self-Discipline – Prevents overindulgence in leniency by balancing mercy with consistent family values and rules.
  - Courage – Allows family members to address difficult truths and stand firm in guiding one another with love and fairness.
  - Gratitude – Reminds everyone of the mercy they have received, encouraging a balanced practice of giving and receiving grace.
  - Respect – Ensures that mercy is offered in ways that uphold the dignity and worth of every family member.

Balancing mercy with other virtues creates a nurturing environment where compassion and accountability coexist. It teaches both parents and children the value of forgiveness while emphasizing the importance of fairness, growth, and mutual respect. By maintaining this balance, families build strong, healthy relationships that encourage each member to thrive as their best selves.

Joe is a husband, father, grandfather, author, speaker, educator, course creator, and parent/family coach.

He helps parents develop unity, find clarity, communicate, and develop consistency in their parenting with the Four C’s of Successful Families. You can find his work on social media.

In addition, the Four C’s newsletter is enjoyed by many as it encourages parents to self-care, build their relationships with their partners, and raise their children.

And he loves to golf!

Loyalty

by Joe Van Deuren | Jul 1, 2021 | Virtues

Description

Loyalty is the steadfast commitment to the people, principles, and values we hold dear. It reflects a deep sense of devotion that anchors us, even when challenges arise. Loyalty is not just a passive state of being but an active investment in relationships, requiring care, effort, and resilience to nurture and sustain bonds through life’s ebbs and flows.

To be loyal is to stand firm, supporting others through their triumphs and struggles. It means forgiving mistakes, recognizing the humanity in others, and choosing connection over estrangement. However, loyalty is not blind allegiance but a discerning quality that aligns with integrity. True loyalty requires us to be faithful to others and our values and sense of what is right.

In a broader sense, loyalty strengthens the fabric of communities and societies. It inspires trust, cooperation, and a sense of belonging. Whether in family life, friendships, workplaces, or broader social commitments, loyalty calls us to be dependable, honest, and steadfast, even when circumstances test our resolve.

At its core, loyalty is about creating and preserving the bonds that give life meaning. It is a virtue that reminds us to honor our commitments, cherish the people and ideals that matter most, and remain true to ourselves in all that we do.

Affirmations for Loyalty

1. I honor my commitments to those I care about.
This helps by reinforcing accountability and reminding you to be dependable in relationships.

2. I forgive mistakes and nurture understanding in my relationships.
Practicing forgiveness strengthens loyalty by creating space for growth and resilience in connections.

3. I stay true to my values and principles, even when difficult.
This builds inner loyalty and ensures that your commitments align with your integrity.

4. I stand by my loved ones in good and bad times.
This affirmation acknowledges the importance of consistency and deepens trust and security in relationships.

5. I am loyal to myself and my well-being as I support others.
This reminds you that loyalty begins with self-respect and self-care, preventing burnout or resentment.

6. I listen deeply to understand the needs and feelings of those I care about.
Active listening fosters deeper bonds, making loyalty not just about presence but also about understanding.

7. I invest time and effort in maintaining meaningful relationships.
This practice highlights the value of effort and intentionality in building loyalty over time.

8. I choose my loyalties wisely, guided by wisdom and integrity.
Ensuring loyalty is placed in the right relationships or causes prevents misplaced devotion.

9. I express gratitude to those who are loyal to me.
Acknowledging others’ loyalty strengthens mutual respect and reciprocity in relationships.

10. I trust the process of being loyal, knowing it builds a foundation for lasting connections.
This encourages patience and faith in the value of loyalty, even when immediate results aren’t visible.

Quotes

“The strength of a family, like the strength of an army, is in its loyalty to each other.” — Mario Puzo

“Loyalty means nothing unless it has at its heart the absolute principle of self-sacrifice.” — Woodrow Wilson

“An honest man is not accountable for the vice and folly of his friends.” — Thomas Jefferson

Loyalty In Family Life

Loyalty in family life is the steadfast commitment to support, care for, and respect one another through life’s joys and challenges. For parents, loyalty means being present and dependable, creating an environment of trust and security where children feel valued and protected. It is about standing by each family member with love and understanding, even when mistakes are made or emotions run high.

For children, loyalty is learned by observing and practicing kindness, forgiveness, and reliability within the family. It’s about cherishing the connections they have with their siblings, parents, and extended family, knowing these relationships are built on mutual care and support.

In family life, loyalty is also about shared values and a commitment to the well-being of the whole. It is expressed through actions like keeping promises, showing up for each other, celebrating successes, and comforting one another during setbacks. Loyalty is not blind or unquestioning; it includes honesty and integrity, guiding family members to remain true to their values while supporting each other’s growth.

By cultivating loyalty in the family, parents and children create a strong, enduring foundation of trust and love that empowers them to face life’s ups and downs together. This bond becomes a legacy of resilience and connection, nurturing each individual and strengthening the family as a whole.

Balancing Loyalty

When balanced, loyalty becomes a powerful force for unity, trust, and love in family life. It fosters enduring relationships and creates a sense of belonging. However, an excess of loyalty can lead to blind allegiance, while too little loyalty can weaken bonds. By cultivating complementary virtues, families can ensure loyalty remains a positive influence.

- - Discernment: Discernment helps evaluate when and how to be loyal, ensuring commitments align with integrity and the well-being of all involved.
  - Honesty: Honesty ensures that loyalty does not lead to covering up mistakes or enabling harmful behaviors, keeping relationships truthful and healthy.
  - Compassion: Compassion softens loyalty, encouraging understanding and forgiveness when family members fall short of expectations.
  - Detachment: Detachment prevents unhealthy attachment by allowing family members to maintain their individuality while remaining connected.
  - Fairness: Fairness ensures loyalty is not misplaced or applied unequally, promoting balance and mutual respect in relationships.
  - Courage: Courage supports loyalty by enabling family members to stand by their values and loved ones, even in challenging circumstances.
  - Patience: Patience allows loyalty to endure through misunderstandings or disappointments, fostering long-term commitment.
  - Respect: Respect ensures that loyalty honors the boundaries and autonomy of others, creating space for healthy relationships.
  - Integrity: Integrity keeps loyalty grounded in moral principles, preventing it from becoming blind or harmful.
  - Self-care: Self-care balances loyalty by reminding family members that they must also remain loyal to their own needs and well-being.

When loyalty is guided by balancing virtues, it becomes a force that strengthens family bonds without compromising individual well-being or ethical principles. By practicing these virtues, parents, and children can maintain healthy, deeply connected, and thoughtfully supportive relationships. This balance fosters a harmonious family life rooted in love, respect, and integrity.

Joe is a husband, father, grandfather, author, speaker, educator, course creator, and parent/family coach.

He helps parents develop unity, find clarity, communicate, and develop consistency in their parenting with the Four C’s of Successful Families. You can find his work on social media.

In addition, the Four C’s newsletter is enjoyed by many as it encourages parents to self-care, build their relationships with their partners, and raise their children.

And he loves to golf!