10 Tips To Improve Emotional Intimacy

by Joe Van Deuren | Apr 28, 2023 | Relationships

Get Closer Than Ever: Practical Tips for Improving Emotional Intimacy in Your Relationship

Do you feel like your relationship lacks emotional intimacy? You may be right. And a relationship that’s lacking emotional intimacy is nowhere near as fulfilling as one that has affection and understanding. If you’d like to enhance this area of your life then try using the following 10 tips.

1. Embark on a New Adventure

While daily routines may feel comfortable and nice, they don’t always support the emotional intimacy that you or your partner may crave. This can also cause you to feel that your relationship has lost its spark. Trying something new can rekindle this spark and bring you and your partner closer emotionally.

2. Embrace Physical Contact

Another thing that tends to disappear as relationships wear on is the amount of time that a couple spends touching one another. If you start to feel your emotional intimacy is slipping, make more time to spend touching one another, whether this is cuddling, a massage, or even just a hug before you leave for work each day.

3. Keep in Contact

Sometimes when couples have been together awhile, their communication begins to fail even if they live together, and this can cause a loss of emotional intimacy. Even if you and your partner have been together for years, send each other cute messages during the day. This will help you feel more connected and increase your emotional intimacy.

4. Show Appreciation

One of the top ways to increase emotional intimacy is to be vocal about your appreciation for one another. Although this can start one sided, don’t be afraid to let your partner know that you desire more appreciation, if they really care about you, they won’t be afraid to tell you how much they appreciate you!

5. Don’t Stop Dating

Emotional intimacy can wane when couples move from the dating phase to the long-term relationship phase, and much of this is because they forget to continue dating even though they are now together. Thus if you want to restore emotional intimacy, it’s time to schedule a date night with your partner and try to do this on a weekly or bi-weekly basis.

6. Have Your Own Life

Besides just dating and keeping in contact to keep a relationship emotionally intimate, you should also be sure to have a life outside of your partner. When the two of you spend every moment together, this can lead to irritation and other negative feelings while some time apart will help both of you to become emotionally closer the next time you see one another.

7. Always Be Supportive

Support is a huge player when it comes to emotional intimacy. If you don’t support your partner, or feel that they don’t support you, this can really damage the way you feel towards each other. Although you may not always agree with your partners endeavors, resolve to always be supportive no matter what they do, and ask them to do the same for you.

8. Share Your Fears

The hardest thing about improving emotional intimacy is that you have to learn to be vulnerable in your relationship. This means sharing the things that scare you, or that are stressing you out. This can be scary at first, especially if you aren’t used to speaking from a place of fear. But stick with it, because it will help you to feel better in the long run. Sometimes, if you find this especially difficult it may be helpful to write down what you want to say before you speak it out loud.

9. Make Time for Deep Chats

Life is busy, and this doesn’t always leave time for more than the daily small talk. Unfortunately, this daily small talk is not enough to improve emotional intimacy. If you want to have real emotional intimacy with your partner you should schedule time to have some of the harder talks. Aim to have time to talk about the deep or difficult subjects at least once a week, maybe even twice if your schedule allows it.

10. Reminisce

Chances are, you and your partner are still together because the two of you have had some great times together. And when you feel that the emotional intimacy in your relationship may not be all it used to be, then it might be time to reminisce about some of the great things you’ve done. This can help remind you and your partner of the things that have inspired emotional intimacy between you in the past and lead you back to a more emotionally intimate relationship.

Overall, you don’t have to use every tip on this list to bring emotional intimacy back into your life and relationship, so start with one or two and see how it goes! No matter which tips you pick, they are sure to help restore emotional intimacy back in your life so pick a couple and get started!

I invite you to sign up for our newsletter. It is a great way to get the Virtue of the Month and tips on relationships, parenting, and self-care. In addition, you’ll be the first to know about upcoming classes for successful families.

To sign up, visit the “Newsletter” section here on the website. Enter your email address, and you’ll receive our newsletter in your inbox on Wednesdays. I appreciate your interest in bringing out the best in your children and yourself. We look forward to keeping you informed through our newsletter!

Unwind and Bond: Fun Ways for the Entire Family to Relax Together!

by Joe Van Deuren | Apr 21, 2023 | Parenting, Relationships, Self-care, Uncategorized

6 Ways to Unwind and Bond as a Family!

We all experience moments of stress, and families are no exception. It can become especially intense when it feels like there’s no break from running errands, going to school, working, and other obligations.

The key to handling this is to make sure to take some time to relax. Unwinding isn’t just about taking a break.

Unwinding as a family can strengthen their connections by engaging in shared experiences, communicating openly, creating positive memories, building trust, problem-solving, and creating a sense of togetherness that will last a lifetime. This blog post will discuss some quick ways families can unwind together, create lasting memories, and strengthen relationships.

Tell a Story

Choose a theme that ties all the stories together. It could be something like “family vacations,” “holiday traditions,” or “funny family moments.” Having a theme will keep the stories focused and make it easier to remember them. Use old photographs or videos for jogging the memory. Get everyone involved by encouraging everyone to describe how they remember the event. Events that are fun or funny are especially bonding. This is a fun and interactive way to learn about each other’s past experiences and pass on family traditions and history.

Watch a Movie

Speaking of laughter, this would be the perfect time for a comedy—funny movies help keep the mood light. Also, laughter has been proven through various studies to lower blood pressure while at the same time stimulating endorphins in the brain, which help us relax and feel good in the moment.

Have a Hot Beverage

What about some tea or hot chocolate? Warm beverages naturally require time to drink them, which gives everyone a breather. The warmth also reduces cortisol, a hormone associated with stress (why bubble baths can be so relaxing).

Take a Walk

Exercise has so many health benefits that it should almost go without saying. The best part about walking together is that it gives time for conversation without leaving anyone out. You can use a stroller for the youngest family members. For bonus points, look for a way to walk somewhere you can appreciate nature, such as in a park or a forest. Did you know being around plants of any variety can lower stress levels?

Have a Snack

While grabbing food when stressed isn’t a great habit, a little treat can improve the mood. Having a supply of snack-size sweets allows you to enjoy them without going overboard. Watch your kids’ eyes light up when offered an unexpected sweet.

Remember the Day

If you want to unwind at the end of the day, add this game to your bedtime routine. Go around the room and ask everyone to talk about something they enjoyed or were grateful for about the day.

Practice unwinding as a family regularly, which will give everyone something to look forward to during the week when things are stressful. Here are a few examples of family night activities:

- Movie nights
- Game nights
- Regular outdoor activities like biking, hiking, picnic, rock climbing, or kayaking (non-structured and the whole family can participate in)
- Cooking together
- Arts & Crafts
- Reading
- Volunteering
- Family dinners (best when done often)

You can use any of these activities as a stage for unwinding and weekly family meetings where you can engage in activities together and have the chance to talk, listen, and share thoughts and feelings. This communication helps family members better understand each other and build stronger connections.

Building a Strong Family Support System

by Joe Van Deuren | Mar 27, 2023 | Parenting, Relationships

5 Tips for Building a Strong Family Support System

When you’re part of a family, you’re supposed to be there for each other. Sadly, real life doesn’t look much like it does on TV. Heartfelt conversations followed by a laugh track with a heavy ‘awwww’ at the perfect moment when people really connect are a creation of Hollywood writers looking to emulate what people wish life would be. It just doesn’t happen this way in real life. Or does it?

Well, the reality might not be sitcom perfect. A strong family support system doesn’t have to be an impossible goal. In fact, it’s a lot simpler than you might imagine. You start with these five tips:

Show Gratitude

This is one of the earliest lessons we teach our kids: Always say “please” and “thank you.” Showing gratitude is a way of saying you notice the effort and appreciate it. Please note: kids who hear this from their parents are more likely to say it themselves.

Put in the Time

Not everyone has a lot of time to spend with their kids. Today, even children have complicated schedules filled with lessons and activities. Add to this a busy work schedule for mom and dad, and it’s hard to make time just to spend with each other. By making sure quality time is spent in connecting and playing, you build closer family bonds, which in turn strengthens the family support system.

Talk to Each Other

Perhaps one of the biggest problems families have is in the area of communication. While everyone, parents, and children both are anxious to talk and make their points known, not much listening goes on. By practicing better listening skills and learning how to respect what the other person says, even when disagreeing, you create a space safe for discussion.

Problem Solving

How are you at creatively finding solutions to the issues which come up in the family? By encouraging the family to work together on these difficulties, you build teamwork and a mutual interest in the things which crop up in family life, which are sometimes difficult to solve.

Teamwork

Your family will help you keep on track even as you help them to reach their own goals. When you celebrate together when things go right, and yes, commiserate when things go wrong, you teach your children you’re in this together. No matter what!

A strong family support system begins with the parents. What you do now will impact the support system your children have today and the support systems they seek for themselves in the future. Help show them the way that you might all succeed together.

The Four C’s of Successful Families

Clarity – is all about knowing your roles, expectations, values, and vision you have for your family

Communication – How you communicate in a clear and convincing manner so everyone in the family is on the same page.

Consistency – Is all about how you make family and personal choices. So much easier when you put into practice the tips we give.

Community – Surrounding yourself with others that share similar values and who are interested in bringing out the best in everyone around them.

Introduction to Four C’s of Successful Families

by Joe Van Deuren | Aug 17, 2021 | Parenting, Relationships

You have heard me speak of the Four C’s of Successful Families in the Virtues Pick we do each day. I do not know if there are truly any new ideas in this framework, however I am hopeful that the way this is presented will be helpful to families and individuals as they live their best lives and raise their children to be safe, healthy, successful, and happy.

Clarity

The Four C’s start with Clarity. Clarity is all about knowing ourselves, what is important to us as individuals and for our family. Clarity identifies the values we desire to live up to, the virtues we have developed well and those that we are working to attain, to balance in our life.

In the family, Clarity is also being proactive in naming what the virtues look like or what behaviors demonstrate those virtues for you and your family. Staying in a positive mode we are not creating a long list of rules, but Clarity does require that we know what our non-negotiable boundaries are and how we wish for the virtues to be demonstrated by ourselves and family members, and what the consequences are for not doing so. One of the ways that Clarity is maintained is by creating a vision and mission statement for your family. This becomes your family Constitution that you live by, make decisions and choices with and govern your life.

Communication

The second C is for Communication. As an individual I may know how I want to be treated, what virtues are critical to the success of my family, however if I do not share it with others effectively and get agreement on family values, we are going to come off as a dictator in our home. (No one likes a dictator)

Therefore, communication is about how to use language so we can appreciate, acknowledge, guide, and correct family members in an effective manner. Communicating on a regular basis about the important things for our family that leads to successful and happy members requires using family meeting times, both formal and informal. Doing so will help us to resolve conflicts, plan fun events, keep everyone on the same calendar, and discuss anything that comes up in typical family life with respect for everyone’s input.

Knowing how to talk to our children, especially when they are struggling with living the virtues they have inside themselves is critical to them learning to make decisions and motivate themselves intrinsically. In the discussions about communication there are many suggestions to help your family keep the lines of communication open throughout your family life for years to come.

Consistency

The third C is Consistency. With any practice we have, consistency is important to long-term success. Consistency in a family including how to discipline, boundaries, beliefs, routines, rituals, and family meetings. There are simple steps we can take when we are determined to be consistent in these areas. Schedules and calendars of course help in the day-to-day activities along with discussions about schedules at your family meeting.

Consistency with discipline and boundaries are one of the big areas that many struggle with – but can be overcome with the activities that are suggested in the first and second C, Clarity and Communication. When we are sure about what is important to us, what our personal goals are, what we want for our children and are communicating them well, often, and with love and respect, consistency will be much easier.

Community

The Fourth C is Community. Everything and everyone that we surround ourselves and our family with make up our community. Our community can be an asset to our family or if we do not pay attention to our community it can end up being harmful to the family. It is critical to examine our community for what it is contributing to our family.

Conclusion

We have spent time focusing on the Four C’s in Successful Families, but honestly these same Four C’s are helpful in every part of life. They can be applied to children, young adults for laying out their life , businesses, employers and employees, married, single – no matter who you are or what you want to do, if you practice Exploring and finding Clarity, Communicating Clearly, Being Consistent in your chosen actions and surrounding yourself with a Community of support and upbuilding, you will find success.

Is there one of the Four C’s that is a struggle? I am available for private coaching to help you become effective in any or all of these areas so that your family can be Safe, Healthy, Successful, & Happy!