Joe Van Deuren | Joseph Michael

Appreciation

by Joe Van Deuren | Jun 23, 2021 | Virtues

Description

Appreciation as a virtue is a powerful practice of seeing and valuing the good in all aspects of life. It goes beyond simply noticing the positive; it involves acknowledging the big and small blessings that enrich our daily experiences. Appreciation is about being open to the beauty, kindness, and goodness around us, and when we share our gratitude, we foster connection, encouragement, and trust.

In relationships, appreciation strengthens bonds and affirms the efforts, qualities, and intentions of others. This act of recognition nurtures love and deepens our sense of belonging. Whether in a family, workplace, or community, an environment of appreciation builds morale and inspires people to continue contributing their best.

On a personal level, appreciation includes acknowledging our own journey, respecting our growth, and even finding gratitude in life’s challenges. When we choose to see these trials as opportunities for growth, we develop resilience and wisdom, honoring the process as much as the outcome.

Living with appreciation enriches each moment, helping us savor the beauty, peace, and joy life offers. When we look at each day with appreciation, we fill our lives with purpose, knowing that we have cherished each precious moment and opportunity.

Affirmations for Appreciation

1. I am grateful for the simple joys in my life.
This encourages us to notice small blessings that might otherwise go unnoticed, bringing positivity to everyday moment.

2. I value the people who support and love me.
This practice shifts our attention to relationships and deepens our gratitude for those who enrich our lives.

3. I recognize the beauty around me, no matter how subtle.
It fosters mindfulness, encouraging us to find and appreciate beauty, even in unexpected places.

4. I honor my progress and am proud of the steps I have taken.
By focusing on personal growth, this affirmation reinforces self-appreciation and confidence.

5. I express gratitude for my health and well-being.
This promotes awareness and thankfulness for our physical and mental health, building respect for self-care.

6. I welcome challenges as opportunities to grow.
Reframing difficulties as growth moments encourages resilience and a positive outlook on life’s tests.

7. I appreciate the lessons I’ve learned from past experiences.
Reflecting on past lessons helps us value our journey and see even hard times as valuable teachers.

8. I am thankful for the abundance I already have.
This shifts the focus from what we lack to what we possess, nurturing contentment and reducing desire for more.

9. I choose to be present and savor this moment.
Being fully present helps us appreciate life as it happens, grounding us in the now.

10. I recognize and celebrate the good in others.
Expressing appreciation for others strengthens relationships and fosters a positive environment around us.

Quotes

“When you arise in the morning think of what a privilege it is to be alive, to think, to enjoy, to love…” — Marcus Aurelius

“If the only prayer you said was ‘thank you,’ that would be enough.” — Meister Eckhart

“Cultivate the habit of being grateful for every good thing that comes to you, and to give thanks continuously. And because all things have contributed to your advancement, you should include all things in your gratitude.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson

Appreciation In Family Life

In family life, appreciation is recognizing and cherishing the value in each other and in the moments we share. For both parents and children, appreciation helps us see the good in each other, notice the small gestures, and celebrate the love that binds us.

For parents, appreciation means taking a moment to recognize and thank children for their small efforts and affirming their unique qualities and growth. It’s about seeing the joy in family routines, like meal times or play, and recognizing how each family member contributes to the home. When parents show appreciation, they set an example, teaching children that kindness, effort, and simply being together are valuable.

For children, appreciation can mean saying “thank you” to siblings or parents, noticing the fun of shared activities, and valuing their family’s support. It encourages them to look for what they enjoy in everyday life and helps them feel grateful for the love and security of family.

When shared, appreciation creates warmth and understanding. Families that practice appreciation together develop a foundation of respect and gratitude, fostering an environment where everyone feels loved, valued, and seen.

Balancing Appreciation

When balanced, appreciation is a positive force that fosters connection, gratitude, and joy within family life. It helps family members feel seen and valued, enhancing each relationship through shared acknowledgment and understanding. However, to avoid appreciation becoming overbearing or neglected, it’s essential to cultivate complementary virtues that bring harmony and depth to this practice.

Balancing Virtues:

- - Discernment – Encourages thoughtful recognition of what truly deserves appreciation, ensuring gratitude is meaningful and genuine.
  - Moderation – Helps to avoid over-appreciation by finding a balance between expressing gratitude and setting realistic expectations, maintaining a grounded perspective.
  - Self-Respect – Allows individuals to appreciate others without losing sight of their own worth, supporting self-care and preventing dependence on external validation.
  - Contentment – Cultivates an inner sense of satisfaction, helping family members to appreciate what they have without constantly seeking more.
  - Honesty – Grounds appreciation in truthfulness, ensuring that expressions of gratitude are sincere and reflective of real value rather than exaggerated praise.
  - Humility – Reminds us that appreciation is not about creating a sense of superiority or entitlement but rather about valuing the simple gifts in life with a genuine heart.
  - Patience – Supports a balanced approach to appreciation by encouraging tolerance for moments that may not immediately seem worthy of gratitude but contribute to long-term growth and connection.
  - Resilience – Reinforces the ability to appreciate life’s challenges as learning experiences, helping to foster gratitude even in difficult times without becoming overwhelmed.
  - Respect – Ensures appreciation is not conditional on perfection but based on genuine regard for each family member’s unique qualities and contributions.

Maintaining balance in virtues allows appreciation to be a source of positivity and resilience within family life. By practicing these balancing virtues, families can create a harmonious environment where appreciation uplifts without overwhelming, fostering a foundation of mutual respect, genuine gratitude, and emotional well-being for both parents and children.

Joe is a husband, father, grandfather, author, speaker, educator, course creator, and parent/family coach.

He helps parents develop unity, find clarity, communicate, and develop consistency in their parenting with the Four C’s of Successful Families. You can find his work on social media.

In addition, the Four C’s newsletter is enjoyed by many as it encourages parents to self-care, build their relationships with their partners, and raise their children.

And he loves to golf!

Accountability

by Joe Van Deuren | Jun 23, 2021 | Virtues

Description

Accountability is a fundamental virtue that encompasses the willingness to take responsibility for our actions and decisions. It is about acting with integrity and honoring our commitments, ensuring that we follow through on what we say we will do. This virtue encourages us to face our mistakes with courage rather than hiding or avoiding them. Embracing accountability means being open to the valuable lessons that arise from our missteps and being ready to make amends when necessary.

In practicing accountability, we build trust with others. People know they can rely on us because we hold ourselves answerable for our actions and decisions. This reliability fosters deeper connections in all areas of life, from personal relationships to professional environments.

Moreover, accountability invites us to appreciate both our successes and the insights gained from our less favorable choices. It encourages a mindset of continuous growth, guiding us to uphold our highest standards and align our actions with our values. Ultimately, embracing accountability empowers us to become more responsible individuals, contributing positively to our communities and inspiring others to do the same.

Affirmations for Accountability

I own my actions and their consequences.
Taking responsibility for what I do empowers me to learn and grow from my experiences.
I communicate openly about my mistakes.
Sharing my errors fosters trust and encourages a culture of honesty with others.
I set clear expectations for myself and others.
Establishing defined goals helps ensure that I and those around me understand our responsibilities.
I actively seek feedback on my performance.
Welcoming constructive criticism allows me to identify areas for improvement and reinforces my commitment to accountability.
I reflect on my decisions regularly.
Taking time to evaluate my choices helps me recognize patterns and encourages responsible future actions.

I make amends when I’ve caused harm.
Apologizing and rectifying my mistakes demonstrates my commitment to integrity and respect for others.
I follow through on my commitments.
Completing tasks as promised builds trust and reinforces my reliability in relationships.
I practice self-discipline in my choices.
Staying true to my commitments and goals requires consistent effort and accountability to myself.
I hold myself accountable to my values.
Aligning my actions with my principles ensures that I remain true to what I believe in.
I learn from my failures and successes.
Embracing lessons from both my achievements and setbacks encourages a growth mindset and strengthens my accountability.

Quotes

“The greatest mistake we make is living in constant fear that we will make one. Accountability breeds response-ability.” – John C. Maxwell

“Accountability is not about blame. It’s about the ability to choose how we respond to our circumstances, to our behavior, and to the impact we have on others.” – Brené Brown

“I am not a product of my circumstances. I am a product of my decisions. Accountability is the key to empowering our choices.” – Stephen R. Covey

Accountability In Family Life

In family life, accountability is a cornerstone virtue that helps to foster trust, responsibility, and growth. For both parents and children, it means taking ownership of actions, decisions, and their consequences, and being willing to learn from both successes and mistakes. For parents, it involves setting a strong example by being responsible for their choices and honoring commitments, whether it’s meeting family expectations or fulfilling obligations outside the home. When parents model accountability, they demonstrate that owning one’s actions is not about perfection but about integrity and continuous learning.

For children, accountability is a skill that grows over time and is nurtured by the guidance of parents. It involves understanding that their choices have consequences and being willing to admit mistakes, apologize when necessary, and make amends. Children learn accountability when parents encourage them to own their actions while offering compassion and guidance rather than punishment or blame. By creating an environment where responsibility is valued and mistakes are seen as opportunities for growth, children develop a sense of ownership over their actions and a deeper understanding of how they contribute to family life.

In family dynamics, accountability helps establish a culture of trust. Parents and children alike benefit from knowing that they can rely on one another to follow through on promises, admit mistakes, and strive to do better. This shared understanding strengthens the bonds within the family, creating a supportive environment where everyone is empowered to grow and contribute to the well-being of the family unit.

Balancing Accountability

When practiced in balance, accountability serves as a powerful virtue in family life, fostering responsibility, trust, and growth. However, like all virtues, it can become either overemphasized or underdeveloped, which may lead to unnecessary stress or an avoidance of responsibility. To maintain accountability as a healthy, positive force, it is essential to cultivate virtues that help regulate it, ensuring that it is neither too rigid nor too lenient.

- - Compassion: Compassion helps prevent accountability from becoming overly harsh or unforgiving, allowing for empathy and understanding when mistakes are made.
  - Forgiveness: Forgiveness enables family members to move past errors without resentment, making it easier to embrace accountability without being bogged down by guilt or anger.
  - Patience: Patience ensures that accountability is practiced with a sense of calm and understanding, acknowledging that growth and change take time.
  - Humility: Humility allows individuals to accept their limitations and imperfections, which makes it easier to acknowledge mistakes and learn from them without pride getting in the way.
  - Flexibility: Flexibility helps temper accountability by allowing for adaptability when circumstances change, preventing rigid expectations from causing unnecessary strain.
  - Self-Compassion: Self-compassion ensures that while we hold ourselves accountable, we also treat ourselves with kindness, reducing the tendency to be overly self-critical when things don’t go as planned.
  - Gratitude: Gratitude fosters a sense of appreciation for the efforts and lessons learned from accountability, turning mistakes into opportunities for growth rather than failures.
  - Discernment: Discernment helps balance accountability by ensuring that responsibility is only taken for what is truly ours, avoiding unnecessary guilt or taking blame for things outside our control.
  - Generosity: Generosity encourages a spirit of giving without expectation, which helps soften the rigid sense of obligation often associated with accountability and promotes healthy, unconditional relationships.
  - Trust: Trust allows individuals to feel safe in being accountable, knowing that they will be supported in their efforts to make amends or improve without fear of judgment or rejection.

Maintaining balance in the virtues that complement accountability is crucial for creating a healthy, positive environment within the family. By moderating accountability with compassion, forgiveness, and humility, parents and children alike can foster a space of growth, support, and learning. A balanced approach ensures that accountability nurtures responsibility and personal development while also encouraging empathy and resilience, benefiting both individual well-being and the overall harmony of family life.

Joe is a husband, father, grandfather, author, speaker, educator, course creator, and parent/family coach.

He helps parents develop unity, find clarity, communicate, and develop consistency in their parenting with the Four C’s of Successful Families. You can find his work on social media.

In addition, the Four C’s newsletter is enjoyed by many as it encourages parents to self-care, build their relationships with their partners, and raise their children.

And he loves to golf!

Acceptance

by Joe Van Deuren | Jun 23, 2021 | Virtues

Description

Acceptance is the profound practice of embracing life as it unfolds, acknowledging reality on its own terms. It invites us to be open to what is, rather than longing for what could have been or what we wish were different. This virtue encourages us to confront the truth of our circumstances with honesty and courage, recognizing that acceptance does not imply resignation but rather a willingness to engage fully with the present moment. In the face of life’s challenges, acceptance enables us to bend without breaking, allowing us to navigate difficulties with resilience.

It teaches us to gather valuable lessons from our experiences, stepping forward with newfound wisdom and awareness. This process fosters a mindset of growth, where we affirm ourselves and others for the qualities we possess, shifting our focus away from judgment and criticism regarding what we may lack.

By embracing acceptance, we cultivate self-compassion, which empowers us to contribute positively to the world around us. Accepting ourselves as we are opens the door to authenticity, enabling us to share our unique gifts and talents with others. Ultimately, acceptance is about fostering a deep sense of peace within, allowing us to engage with life fully and genuinely while nurturing harmonious relationships with ourselves and those around us.

Affirmations for Acceptance

1. I trust that everything is unfolding as it should.
This helps to cultivate faith in life’s process, reducing resistance to the present moment.

2. I am at peace with what I cannot change.
Acknowledging limits fosters calm and redirects energy toward constructive actions.

3. I embrace my imperfections as part of my unique self.
Self-acceptance builds confidence and reduces self-criticism.

4. I allow myself to feel all my emotions without judgment.
Honoring emotions creates space for healing and deeper understanding.

5. I release my need for control over things beyond my power.
Letting go of control promotes flexibility and resilience.

6. I accept others as they are, without trying to change them.
This fosters stronger relationships by removing unrealistic expectations.

7. Every experience is an opportunity to grow and learn.
Seeing challenges as lessons helps reframe difficulties into positive growth.

8. I honor the present moment, knowing it is enough.
Focusing on the present alleviates anxiety about the past or future.

9. I forgive myself and others for past mistakes.
Forgiveness is a key component of acceptance, freeing us from lingering resentment.

10. I trust in my ability to handle whatever comes my way.
Building inner confidence reinforces the practice of acceptance in facing life’s uncertainties.

Quotes

“Acceptance of what has happened is the first step to overcoming the consequences of any misfortune.” — William James

“The greatest gift you can give yourself is to accept yourself fully, as imperfect as you are.” — Maxime Lagace

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” — Victor Frankl

Acceptance In Family Life

Acceptance in family life means embracing each family member for who they are, with all their strengths, quirks, and imperfections. It is about creating a safe and loving environment where everyone feels valued and understood. For parents, acceptance means recognizing that their children are unique individuals with their own thoughts, feelings, and paths. It involves letting go of unrealistic expectations and meeting their children where they are, while guiding them toward their best selves.

For children, acceptance begins with feeling loved and supported just as they are. When parents model acceptance, children learn to respect their own and others’ differences. They understand that making mistakes is part of growth and that their worth is not tied to perfection or achievement.

As a family, practicing acceptance fosters open communication, mutual respect, and resilience. It allows everyone to face challenges together with honesty and courage, knowing they are supported unconditionally. By cultivating acceptance, families strengthen their bonds, creating a foundation of love, understanding, and harmony.

Balancing Acceptance

Acceptance, when balanced, can be a powerful force for harmony and resilience in family life. It allows parents and children to embrace each other’s uniqueness, face challenges with courage, and foster an environment of love and understanding. However, overdeveloped acceptance may lead to complacency or enable harmful behaviors, while underdeveloped acceptance can result in judgment and resistance to change. By cultivating balancing virtues, families can ensure acceptance is a positive, dynamic presence in their relationships.

- - Discernment: Helps families determine when to accept a situation and when to take action, ensuring acceptance does not turn into passivity.
  - Assertiveness: Encourages open communication and the expression of needs, preventing acceptance from becoming silent resignation.
  - Responsibility: Balances acceptance by emphasizing accountability and the need to address issues constructively.
  - Compassion: Guides acceptance with kindness, ensuring it is rooted in care rather than indifference.
  - Justice: Ensures that acceptance does not allow unfairness or harmful behaviors to go unchallenged.
  - Resilience: Strengthens the ability to accept hardships while remaining determined to overcome them.
  - Flexibility: Balances acceptance by fostering adaptability, allowing families to adjust to change without losing focus on values.
  - Self-Discipline: Prevents over-acceptance of personal limitations by encouraging growth and striving for better outcomes.
  - Boundaries: Ensures acceptance does not lead to overstepping personal limits, protecting emotional and mental well-being.
  - Hope: Keeps acceptance balanced with optimism and a vision for positive growth and possibilities.

Maintaining balance in virtues allows families to use acceptance as a foundation for growth, love, and mutual respect. When paired with other virtues, acceptance fosters an environment where challenges are met with wisdom, relationships are nurtured with care, and every family member feels valued. By striving for balance, parents and children can navigate life’s complexities with strength, understanding, and harmony.

Joe is a husband, father, grandfather, author, speaker, educator, course creator, and parent/family coach.

He helps parents develop unity, find clarity, communicate, and develop consistency in their parenting with the Four C’s of Successful Families. You can find his work on social media.

In addition, the Four C’s newsletter is enjoyed by many as it encourages parents to self-care, build their relationships with their partners, and raise their children.

And he loves to golf!

Keeping Communication Open With Your Teen

by Joe Van Deuren | May 18, 2021 | Parenting

If you’re the parent of a teenager, you’ve probably noticed some major behavioral changes over the past few years. Although these behaviors are normal for adolescence, it’s still necessary to keep the communication flowing between the two of you.

As kids enter their teens, they start spending more time alone in their rooms or out with friends. Maybe your teen also seems less interested in hanging out with you and more interested in listening to music or talking on the phone. Obviously, they want to communicate, but they’re just not always excited to do it with you.

The communication methods or tips that work with one teen might not work as well with another. To keep conversations flowing with your teen, try some of the methods listed below to see which ones help you the most.

Rather than doing the talking, focus on listening. Professional therapists have learned that many teen clients report feeling like their parents talk “at” them and rarely listen to what their kids have to say.
- Because some parents become disappointed about teens’ withdrawal from the family, they might tend to do all the talking or even become a little “preachy” in their communication.

If you can de-focus from what you want to say and focus instead on listening, your teen will be more encouraged to communicate with you.

When there is a pause in the conversation, do not feel like you need to fill it with more talk. The pause may indicate your teen is testing you, concerned with how you might react. Having those conversations, without giving advice or telling them what you would do opens the door for discussions at later times.

Ask “what” and “how” questions – not “why” questions. It is likely they do not know why. Get curious – not furious.
Show interests in your teen’s music and books. Even though it most likely isn’t your choice of tunes or literature, your teen’s passions are ways to catch a glimpse into what’s going on with him or her.
When she’s talking about songs, her favorite performers, books, or magazines, use the discussion as a springboard to keep her communicating with you. You’ll be surprised with what you learn when you demonstrate that you want to know more about what she loves.
Take advantage of time spent in the car with your teen. Many parents transport their adolescents to and from school every day during the school year. When it’s just the two of you in the car, consider it an opportunity to listen and have a meaningful exchange.

This is especially true with boys. Some prefer the non-confrontational feeling of not being faced to face.

Carve out time each day to communicate. Avoid allowing the business of everyday life to prevent you from talking with your adolescent. Sometimes, real life takes over and precious time with your teen is difficult to come by. However, make it a point each day to find the time to touch base.
Avoid dishing out punishment for info gained during conversations with your teen. Take care to avoid giving negative consequences resulting from a discussion with your adolescent.

You can surely understand the reasoning behind this strategy – if the teen is punished whenever they open up to you, they’ll avoid talking with you in the future.
Keep teens involved by allowing them choices. Hopefully, you’ve worked hard so far in keeping all family members interested and participating in fun activities together, well before your kids moved into the teen years.
If so, use that momentum to encourage your teen to continue to make choices for family get-togethers and activities. Let your teen decide what you’ll have to eat at a cookout or special get-together.
Enlist your teen to help you plan Dad’s or Mom’s birthday dinner. Allow them to choose the movie for Family Movie Night.
Teens that have choices at home and are praised for their involvement are less likely to rebel and may spend more time with family.
Have fun together. Remember to joke and laugh with your teen. After all, you were a teen once and can hopefully recall what it felt like.
Use your adolescent experience as fodder for funny stories and bonding with your teen. They’ll most likely appreciate hearing your own stories about adolescence if they’re told in the spirit of openness, fun, sharing, and love.

As a parent, you have the responsibility to stay connected with your adolescent. Practice these methods to encourage open communication between you and your teen. You’ll be pleased at the responses you get. Practice the Four C’s of Successful Families by Clarifying your virtues and values, Communicating clearly, acting with Consistency, and bringing together a Community of support.