assertiveness | Joseph Michael

Unlocking the Power of Assertiveness for Lasting Confidence”

by Joe Van Deuren | Jun 22, 2023 | Parenting

Are you a parent who wants to empower your child with the essential life skill of assertiveness? Imagine a world where your child confidently expresses their needs and desires, while still respecting others. It’s not only possible but within your reach. In this insightful conversation, join a parent and child as they explore the power of assertiveness and how it can shape your child’s confidence, communication, and decision-making abilities. Discover how you can have a similar conversation with your own child, guiding them toward a path of self-advocacy and healthy relationships.

Parent: Hey, sweetie, can we have a little chat?

Child: Sure, Mom/Dad. What’s up?

Parent: Well, I’ve noticed something lately, and I wanted to talk to you about it. You’re such a kind and friendly child, and that’s wonderful. But I’ve noticed that sometimes you let other children choose the games you play, even if it’s not what you really want to do. Have you noticed that too?

Child: Yeah, I guess so. I just want to make everyone happy.

Parent: I understand that you want to be considerate of others, and that’s a fantastic quality to have. But I also want to teach you about another important virtue called assertiveness. Do you know what that means?

Child: Not really. What is assertiveness?

Parent: Assertiveness is about expressing your thoughts, feelings, and needs in a respectful and confident way. It’s about standing up for yourself and finding a balance between what you want and what others want. When you’re assertive, you can communicate your ideas and desires without being mean or bossy.

Child: Oh, I see. But won’t that make me sound mean if I say no to someone?

Parent: That’s a great question, and I’m glad you asked. Being assertive is not the same as being aggressive. Aggressive speech involves using hurtful words, yelling, or trying to force others to do what you want. That’s not what we’re aiming for. Assertiveness, on the other hand, is about expressing yourself with kindness and respect, while still standing up for what you believe in.

Child: Can you give me an example of being assertive?

Parent: Of course! Let’s say you really want to play a game that some of your friends aren’t interested in. Instead of simply giving in and playing their game every time, you can express your opinion in a kind and confident way. You could say something like, “I really like the game you suggested, but I was hoping we could also play the game I enjoy. Could we take turns playing each game?” This way, you’re being assertive by expressing your preference while also considering their feelings and finding a compromise.

Child: That sounds fair. But what if they still don’t want to play my game?

Parent: If they’re not interested in playing your game, it’s essential to respect their choice too. Remember, assertiveness is about expressing yourself, but it doesn’t guarantee that everyone will agree or do exactly what you want. It’s okay to be disappointed, but it’s also an opportunity to find another game that everyone can enjoy together or take turns trying different games.

Child: I think I understand now. I can be assertive without being mean, and it’s okay if not everyone wants to play the same game as me.

Parent: That’s absolutely right, my dear! Being assertive allows you to express yourself while also considering others’ feelings. It’s all about finding a healthy balance between your needs and the needs of others. And remember, I’m here to support you and help you practice assertiveness whenever you need it.

Child: Thanks, Mom/Dad. I’ll try to be more assertive from now on.

As you’ve witnessed the transformational power of assertiveness in this conversation, you might be eager to explore more ways to nurture this valuable virtue in your child. Don’t hesitate to search “assertiveness” on our website and unlock a world of knowledge and strategies that will empower your child to navigate life with confidence and resilience. Together, let’s equip our children with the skills they need to thrive in a world that values self-expression and individuality.

Balancing Care and Assertiveness: Nurturing with Tough Love

by Joe Van Deuren | Jun 2, 2023 | Parenting

Parenting is a delicate balancing act, where we strive to shower our children with love and support while also guiding them with firmness and boundaries. One aspect of this balancing act is understanding the concept of tough love. As parents, we may question our ability to provide tough love to those we care about, but it is essential for their growth and development.

Let’s explore how we can embrace tough love in a positive and compassionate manner, fostering cooperation, self-discipline, and resilience in our children.

Am I capable of giving tough love to those I care about?

Giving tough love is not about being harsh or punitive; rather, it is rooted in deep care and concern for our loved ones. It involves setting clear expectations, providing constructive feedback, and holding them accountable for their actions. Here are some insights to help you navigate tough love with empathy and assertiveness:

Establish Boundaries with Love:

Setting boundaries is an essential aspect of tough love. Clearly communicate your expectations, values, and rules to your children, ensuring they understand the consequences of their actions. It may be challenging at times, but remember that by setting boundaries, you are providing a safe and structured environment for their growth and well-being.

Practice Active Listening and Empathy:

When practicing tough love, it’s crucial to balance firmness with understanding. Actively listen to your children’s perspectives, validate their emotions, and try to empathize with their experiences. By demonstrating empathy, you create a supportive atmosphere where they feel heard and understood, even in challenging situations.

Offer Constructive Feedback:

Providing constructive feedback is a vital component of tough love. When offering guidance, focus on the behavior or action rather than criticizing the individual. Use “I” statements to express your concerns, emphasizing the impact of their actions on themselves and others. This approach helps foster a growth mindset and encourages self-reflection and personal responsibility.

Encourage Independence and Accountability:

Tough love involves promoting independence and accountability in your children. Allow them to make choices within age-appropriate boundaries and hold them accountable for their decisions. Encourage them to learn from their mistakes and take responsibility for their actions, helping them develop resilience, problem-solving skills, and self-discipline.

Affirmation:

“I am a caring and assertive parent, capable of providing tough love.”

Giving tough love is an integral part of nurturing our children’s growth, character, and resilience. It requires us to strike a balance between love and discipline, empathy and assertiveness. Remember, tough love is not about being cold or unfeeling but about guiding our loved ones towards becoming their best selves. Embrace the challenge with love, empathy, and clear boundaries, and watch your children flourish as they develop the skills and values necessary for a fulfilling and successful life. You are a caring and assertive parent, capable of providing the tough love your children need.

Raising an Assertive Daughter

by Joe Van Deuren | Mar 24, 2023 | Parenting

A Parents Guide for Raising an Assertive Daughter

Some time ago, a parent asked me how to stop her daughter from being bossy. While no one likes the idea of bossiness in our kids, we want our children to develop their assertiveness, especially our daughters.

The mom who asked me about her daughter just needed to see her daughter as overdeveloping her assertiveness – not having learned yet how to communicate with tact, kindness, and courtesy while still standing up for herself. So, yes, we want our daughters to be assertive when they are 16 and on a date, 20 and in college, or 25 years of age with suggestions at a company meeting.

Today’s society does not always encourage assertiveness, especially in young women. So early in life, they may learn to shrink back and not speak up.

Studies show that women still face double standards. For example, while men are admired for being outspoken in the workplace, women are more likely to be seen as unlikeable or abrasive. As a parent, you can help your child walk the line between being bossy and passive. Try these suggestions for raising an assertive daughter.

Building Confidence:

Understand your needs. Self-awareness is the first lesson to give your child. Before communicating with others, they must know and accept themselves. Talk about their feelings and values.
Advocate for yourself. Encourage her independence. Be there for support, but let her try to speak up for herself. She’ll be more prepared to deal with peer pressure now and adult dilemmas later.
Ask for help. Practice in manageable situations. She might ask a restaurant server to leave the pickles off her hamburger or go to her teacher for a more detailed explanation of an assignment.
Take risks. Honor your daughter for showing courage and learning from experience. Then, coach her to evaluate the pros and cons and deal with the consequences.
Be authentic. Could you help her feel valued and important? Notice and acknowledge her talents and achievements. Spend one-on-one time with her, sharing her interests and discussing her goals.
Think positive. A cheerful outlook will make your daughter stronger and more resilient. Remind each other about how much you have to be grateful for. Enjoy family dinners and do volunteer work together as a family.

Showing Consideration and Respect for Others:

1. Listen attentively. Assertiveness means having regard for others and yourself, which starts with listening skills. Take turns reading books to each other and discussing the details. Turn off your phone to spend more time engaging in face-to-face conversations.

2. Cultivate patience. What seems like disrespectful behavior could mean your child has trouble waiting. Make rules for younger kids, like no talking when you’re on the phone. Then, as they age, you can explain the benefits of delaying gratification.

3. Work as a team. Promote cooperation and collaboration at home. Give your child age-appropriate tasks and invite them to participate in family decisions. It may also help to sign them up for team sports and other organized activities.

4. Resolve conflicts. Assertiveness can prevent some disagreements and make the rest easier to handle. Guide your child to express themselves calmly and look for mutually satisfactory solutions.

Other Tips:

1. Be a role model. You’re a powerful influence in your child’s life. Demonstrate the choices you want them to make. Treat yourself and others with kindness and respect.

2. Target key areas. It’s common for children and adults to be assertive in some areas of their lives while struggling in others. Be alert for where your child needs the most support.

3. Keep at it. Research has found that girls’ confidence drops about 30% between the ages of 8 and 14. Make assertiveness training an ongoing activity to keep up with any changes.

4. Have fun. It’s easier for your child to learn if you make the lessons enjoyable. Try role-playing and use popular movies and books to reinforce your message.

Knowing how to stand up for herself can help your daughter to reduce stress, strengthen relationships, and reach her personal and professional goals. In addition, as a parent, you can provide a safe place for her to practice her assertiveness skills early and often.

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