3 Reasons Kids Seek Extra Validation& What To Do About It

by | Mar 3, 2023 | Parenting

When you have children, you’ll notice they seem to need a lot of validation. This can be considered part of the growing process. As they explore the world, it’s good to receive reassurance that they’re doing well and their efforts are seen. Occasionally though, you’ll find your children might go through periods where they seek more validation than normal. What’s with that?

Have They Been Getting Too Much Validation Lately?

Sometimes we get a little over-eager in our praise. While it’s natural to be excited about your child’s accomplishments, making a really big deal out of everyone can lead to unhealthy expectations. When this happens, the child will build up an expectation they need to be validated whenever they do anything.

How can you help? Try easing back a little. Choose your moments to give over-the-top praise carefully. The rest of the time? A hug or a quiet word of praise is sufficient. 

Has Something Gone Wrong Recently?

If your child put a lot of effort into something and fell flat, they might be feeling a little uncertain right now. When this happens, they seek your praise as reassurance, hoping you’ll give them back whatever they lost in their failure.

How can you help? Talk to them about what happened. Let them know everyone sometimes fails and remind them what’s important is – they tried hard. Show them how they have already learned from the experience and talk about trying again.

What Have You Been Doing?

Kids will often seek attention when they feel like they don’t have yours. Is it possible you’ve been extra busy lately or spending too much time on your phone when the kids were around? You might not think so, but try to see yourself through their eyes.

How can you help? Instead of validation, what your child needs is for you to be there in the moment with them. You don’t necessarily need to go and arrange special time with your child. Instead, focus on giving your child more of your undivided attention. How about a no-phone rule at dinner or making a point of setting aside the tech when they’re talking to you, so they know you’re really listening?

While this list doesn’t begin to represent every instance your child might be seeking extra validation, it should at least give you some ideas about unraveling what’s going on when they do. The key to handling any situation is the same: dig a little deeper to understand why your child is feeling insecure and address this instead. You’ll both feel better about it.

Want to learn more about the difference between praise & encouragement? Get an enlarged version of this article with details on how to give the gift of encouragement vs the reward of praise. ​Your child will feel encouraged to believe in themselves and become self-motivated. 

5 Traits That Characterize Self-Discipline

5 Traits That Characterize Self-Discipline

by | Aug 12, 2022 | Parenting

Practicing Self-Discipline Brings Great Results

Discipline is a term people toss around a lot. But what is it exactly? Is it the ability to control your impulses? The ability to focus on complex tasks even when you don't feel like it? Or maybe the ability to adhere to rules and guidelines even if you don't like them?

When it comes to adults or children these are all essential skills. So what are the tell-tale signs that you or your child are developing this virtue that you already have within you more fully and in a balanced way.

Here are five character traits to look for as you or your child are develop self-discipline.

Self-Control

You can illustrate self-control with the ability to delay gratification. Anyone who can do that is likely to be considered self-disciplined.

One example would be of someone with a short temper. It may feel good to them to react quickly and without thought. They may tend to lash out at others and yell at them.  But when they are able to control their reactions and respond thoughtfully they are demonstrating self-discipline. 

    A Strong Sense of Morality or Ethics

    A self-disciplined person has values and standards which they follow. They live by those values both in public and in the privacy of their home. If they are a child, their parents trust their behavior to live up to the standards of their family. When a child is at school or the parent is at work or in other situations, they hold themselves to the standards, rules and values – if when they don’t like them.

    Self-Motivation

    This trait describes the ability of an individual to initiate tasks. Disciplined persons tend to take the initiative and try things on their own. And they don’t give up easily on activities that they find challenging to complete.

    A person with self-discipline doesn’t need constant reminders or nagging from parents or employers, because they can motivate themselves. A self-motivated person strives for excellence, regardless of any incentives they might receive. Such children take action because they find pleasure in doing the right thing, not because they can get something, but rather because it is the right thing to do.

    Resilience

    This trait is a quality that allows people to bounce back from adversity and move through challenges. Self-disciplined persons don’t give up easily, even when things get tough. Resilience shows itself when we have the ability to withstand failure and hardship but remain optimistic and motivated for success.

    A famous example of resilience is Thomas Edison. His approach to the invention of the light bulb was that he would not give up until he found a solution. In one interview, he stated that the light bulb was not a result of 1,000 failures – it resulted from 1,000 steps.

    Developing self-discipline helps us to keep moving forward despite failures.

    Joyfulness

    Self-discipline is the key to success and joyfulness (happiness) We all want to be happy and every parent wants their children to be happy. However, if we seek happiness for ourselves or our children over personal discipline we will actually be undermining the development of self-discipline. 

    If a child always gets what he wants when he wants it, he forms a habit of asking for more, even if he doesn’t need it. This action may give him an incredible feeling of satisfaction in the short term, but it could lead to trouble later.

    It’s no wonder that self-disciplined individuals tend to be happy. Why? Because whenever they encounter a challenge, they can rise above it and accomplish their goals. Self-disciplined adults feel a satisfaction in their life. Self-disciplined children grow into happy adults.

    In Conclusion

    Discipline is an essential quality. Without discipline, there is a waste of time in unproductive pursuits that  don’t develop the necessary habits to create success later on in life.

    It’s crucial to instill a sense of self-discipline in children. It helps them develop the habits that will make them successful throughout their lives.

     

     

    How The “Hero’s Journey” Can Teach Your Kids About Resilience

    How The “Hero’s Journey” Can Teach Your Kids About Resilience

    by | May 19, 2022 | Parenting

    Kids need heroes. Someone who is going to inspire them and offer a moral compass. Someone who is going to be a powerful role-model. A character who shows that life is an adventure that comes with troubles and hardships, enemies and danger, but always ends well. As long as the hero doesn’t give up, the victory is possible.

    As Albert Einstein said, “You never fail until you stop trying.”

    Every good movie, book, or story typically has one myth in the middle – a myth called “The Hero’s Journey” that was introduced by Joseph Campbell in his book “The Hero with A Thousand Faces.”

    The author aims to show to us that adventures world-famous heroes are facing aren’t far from what we’re going through in our present life, each day.

    Understanding this will support you and your child to be more persistent, patient, and resilient, just like Simba, Hercules, Luke Skywalker, and Batman.

    The hero’s journey usually consists of 12 steps which could be divided into 3 major stages:

    1. The first stage. This stage starts with the hero’s separation from his ordinary life. This separation happens because the hero’s boring life has been challenged by a call or invitation to adventure.

      • As stepping out of one’s comfort zone is not easy, the hero hesitates at first and decides to refuse the invitation.

      • Soon enough, he regrets that decision and then comes across someone wise and inspiring who becomes his mentor. Once the hero feels supported and guided, he is ready to take the journey.

    2. The second stage. As the journey unfolds, trials, challenges and difficulties are rising. One is more difficult than the other.

      1. This part carries the most significance for learning that resilience is a necessary part of any successful adventure and life in general.

      2. When the hero endures uncomfortable and painful tests and faces the strongest enemies, they often find new ways of solving challenges and adopt many shifts in mindset.

    3. The third and final stage. Steps in this stage include: reward, the road back home, the final test, and return home.

      1. After many battles and obstacles, the hero finally returns to their former life. From the outside, everything seems to be the same, yet it all feels very different.

      2. This is because the hero has changed and transformed through the journey.

    Helping your child to understand the hero’s journey within a movie, cartoon, or fairytale is a fantastic way to help them develop a moral compass of integrity, resilience, and compassion.

    This kind of storytelling contains some major resilience-forming ideas:

    • Helps children understand the importance of individual strengths
    • Introduces the benefits of learning from mistakes
    • Empowers children to make decisions
    • Recognizes the importance of being open to support
    • Promotes qualities such as fairness, integrity, persistence, and kindness
    • Demonstrates how behaviors affect others
    • Stresses the importance of generosity
    • Helps kids understand that life’s events aren’t random
    • Teaches the importance of discipline in life

    Your children will face massive change through their life, just like you did. Through that change they will gain greater insight into their identity and capabilities.

    The sooner they find out that life carries trials, tests, and difficulties, the better equipped they will be to face them.

    With morally balanced and highly accountable heroes in your child’s immediate surroundings, your child learns to embrace change in life as they embark on their own wonderful journeys and adventures.

    Where do hero’s come from?

    Hero’s come from those in your community. Individuals in your life, family members, community members, those that you surround yourself all have stories and examples of resilience. But most important of all the question is:

    Are you ready to become that hero for your child?

    You the parent will always be the most important hero in your child’s life. Are you ready to become that hero for your child?

    Start by identifying your current reality, recognizing the changes you need to make, and then make them so that you become a better version of yourself and a greater role-model of resilience for your child.

    Get the checklist – “Help your Child to Become More Resilient”. As a bonus you will also get “Six Ways Failure Can be Your Friend”.

    Resilience is one of the most important virtues you can help your child develop, and I promise you that as you draw this virtue from them, you will get stronger too.

    5 Things to Ask When Looking for a Fresh Start

    5 Things to Ask When Looking for a Fresh Start

    by | Jan 6, 2022 | Self-care

    5 Things to Ask When Looking for a Fresh Start

    That’s it! You’ve had it!

    Life is just not going as well as you’d like. It’s time for a change, a Fresh Start if you will. But how do you know where to even begin? Especially if you’re still neck-deep in a life you want to escape.

    It’s simple. You start by asking yourself these five questions:

    The five questions are all about CLARITY, the first C of the Four C’s . No matter if the changes you are looking to have in life are about relationships, career, health, friendship, spiritual health or another part of life, finding clarity is the first step. You may begin with listing what you value, the virtues you are aspiring to and then answer these five questions

    What Are You Looking For?

    Too often, what we’re thinking is a change in our life is nothing more than a dressed-up version of the old. To avoid falling into this trap, start looking for real and actual change. Start by asking the hard questions: What do you want out of life? How are you not getting this? What would you need to do to attain this? What’s one positive change which would place you closer to this dream?

    How Many Risks Are You Willing to Take?

    Fresh starts will demand a certain commitment from you, which manifests in how much of yourself you’re willing to put into the project. If you’re not willing to risk a new way of life, or much in the way of change, you’re not going to have much success. 

    What is Different About the Life You’re Proposing

    If you’re looking for a new beginning, there has to be something ‘new,’ or you’re not starting over at all. You are merely continuing what you’ve been doing all along. What is the thing you haven’t done before?

    What Are You Giving Up?

    A new beginning means something else is ending. What are you leaving behind? Keep in mind this question doesn’t necessarily imply you need to abandon every aspect of your past. Sometimes we’re leaving behind only a small part of our life.

    Are You Truly Ready to Let Go of the Past?

    This last question can be hard because you might not know this answer until you’ve begun. Every fresh start is doomed to failure if you’re weighed down with a lot of baggage from the past. At the very least, though, it helps to have a positive attitude about letting go and are willing to do the work to make this happen.

    In the end, these questions will give you some idea of what to expect as you embark on this journey of letting go. After all, being prepared truly is half the battle. 

     

     

    If you want to go deeper into this subject I am releasing a book on January 7, 2022 titled My Best Self, Starting Fresh – A New Beginning. It is available here https://josephmichael.coach/books/

     

    5 Tips to Get to Know Yourself Better

    5 Tips to Get to Know Yourself Better

    by | Dec 26, 2021 | Self-care

    Practicing Self-Discipline Brings Great Results

    Discipline is a term people toss around a lot. But what is it exactly? Is it the ability to control your impulses? The ability to focus on complex tasks even when you don't feel like it? Or maybe the ability to adhere to rules and guidelines even if you don't like them?

    Here are five of the best tips to get to know yourself better. These tips will help jump-start your journey into self-reflection. By finding the answers you’ve been looking for, you can start to strive toward your true potential.

    Let’s get started.

    Tip #1: Be Still

    For many people, it’s hard to sit alone in a quiet room and contemplate. They become uncomfortable and agitated.

    Still, this is an important step to get to know the inner you, the part of you that is your true self. Be brave in the face of your imperfections and the self-talk. As soon as you begin to embrace the good as the real you; you can start discovering your true self.

    It all starts when you take the time to sit still and listen to yourself. Think of it as a form of mindfulness meditation where you focus completely on the present moment.

    Tip #2: Ask the Right Questions

    Too many times, we knock ourselves down through negative self-talk. Instead, talk to yourself as you would a friend. Be kind and show empathy. The best way to do that is by asking self-discovery questions so you can get to know yourself better.

    Write down the answers on post-its and hang them up next to your bed or bathroom mirror. You can also jot the answers down in a journal. In fact, experts say are journals are one of the most effective tools of self-awareness.

    Here are some important questions you can ask yourself today:

    • What are my core values?
    • Who’s my biggest role model? Why?
    • What makes me feel safe? Or Who?
    • What are my short-term and long-term goals?

    At the end of this article, you can download a full list of self-discovery questions.

    Tip #3: Find Your Strengths

    Each one of us is here for a reason. Each of us, adults and children have their own unique gifts, talents, skills, and temperament. Some things just come more naturally to each of us better than others. That’s the natural order of things.

    Knowing what you’re good at is necessary on the journey of finding who you really are. Focusing on your strengths boosts self-confidence and increases your drive to achieve more. Only then, will you be able to make room for better, more productive things in your life.

    Let’s not forget that it’s just as important to figure out what you’re not good at. Allow yourself to try different things. Then, by trial and error, you’ll know exactly what you’re good at and what you should steer clear of.

    Interestingly enough, your strengths will almost always align with your core values. Together, they can help you manage your life path, both at home and at work.

    Tip #4: Discover Your Passion

    Now that you know what you’re good at, it’s time to hone in on the things that excite you and give your life meaning. This can be one thing or twenty—the point is to follow through.

    Having that drive gives you purpose and strength. You savor each moment and push yourself to achieve new goals.

    This positive energy you exude when you’re doing something you’re passionate about is vital. It allows you to want to be better and do more. That can only come when you truly enjoy what you’re doing.

    Tip #5: Determine Your Call to Action

    Your core values, purpose, and passion is unique to you. Now what is your call to action for those core values?

    What are the behaviors you want to practice, that line up with your values? When you call yourself to action by behaving as your best self, your confidence rises, you feel good about yourself, you feel in alignment with your inner being.

    When you feel frustrated, depressed, or angry it simply means you are not aligned with what you value.

    This is one form of self-care that will work wonders for your self-esteem. Get to know yourself better and live your best self.  Watch those around you, especially your family respect you.

    In Conclusion

    We hope you found these five tips to get to know yourself better helpful. Figuring out who you are as an individual has many advantages for yourself and your family.

    The most significant is that it puts things in perspective. It allows you to feel comfortable in the choices and decisions you make for yourself and your family. Knowing who you are keeps you from being swayed or overly influenced by the choices of others.

    As a result, you’re able to focus more on your personal strengths and be more accepting of your weaknesses. Socrates also said, “Be as you wish to seem.” In other words, when you know what you want out of life, you know what you don’t want and the only thing that can hold you back is your imagination. So, be bold and dream big!

    Getting to know yourself better is part of the first ‘C’ in the Four C’s of Successful Families. CLARITY is about the unifying set of values, virtues, mission, and purpose for your unique family (Team).  The other C’s are COMMUNICATION, CONSISTENCY, & COMMUNITY.

     

    Want help getting to know yourself better? Download your full list of self-discovery questions. If you want, share them with other members of your family, especially your partner.

    Self-Discovery Questions Download Below