Joe Van Deuren | Joseph Michael

Parents: Help Your Children Appreciate Music

by Joe Van Deuren | May 15, 2023 | Parenting

Make Music a Part of Your Child’s Education

Are you a parent who’s concerned that your children may be missing out when it comes to music education? Budget cuts in arts programs at public schools could limit your child’s opportunities to play an instrument or learn about great composers.

Benefits of Music Education:

1. Enhance academic performance. Some studies have shown that kids who can play instruments receive higher SAT scores. Engaging with music involves math, science, and memory skills, as well as motor coordination.

2. Explore other cultures. Even if your knowledge of French is limited to Frere Jacques, you realize how rhymes make it easier to speak other languages. Music also provides a window into how others live around the world.

3. Promote teamwork. Bands and orchestras collaborate and resolve challenges. Each member waits their turn and respects the others’ contributions.

4. Teach delayed gratification. Video games like Guitar Hero may be fun, but they don’t really teach you to play guitar. Kids who practice with a real instrument experience the rewards of perseverance.

5. Build confidence. Racking up tangible accomplishments boosts self-esteem. Performing before a live audience can also be an early lesson in leadership and presentation abilities.

Encouraging Your Child’s Music Appreciation:

1. Start early. Many experts think that the capacity for musical sensibility peaks between birth and age, nine so use age-appropriate methods. Your baby loves the sound of your voice, so chant while you rock them. Encourage your toddler to make noise with homemade shakers and drums.

2. Sing together. Babies will often mimic any sound you make, while slightly older kids will enjoy silly songs. By the time they’re ready for elementary school, you can start introducing simple concepts like tempo and beat.

3. Share activities. Keep it interesting with crafts and outings. Draw pictures of instruments to color, and check neighborhood calendars for children’s performances.

4. Broaden their exposure. Drench your home in pleasant sounds. Play classical music and jazz on the radio. Offer sheet music and books.

Supporting Your Child’s Music Studies:

1. Talk with the teacher. Choose a music instructor with a warm personality who can describe their lesson plan in convincing detail. Ask them how you can assist your child, especially if you don’t know much about music yourself.

2. Attend classes. Your child might feel more comfortable if you go with them to classes at first. Try to observe closely without distracting them from listening to the teacher.

3. Praise effort. Let your child know you recognize their progress. Be specific about what they’re doing well, whether it’s practicing on a daily basis or playing an entire piece without hitting a single wrong note.

4. Show enthusiasm. Show up for each performance that you possibly can. Give a big round of applause and take pictures for posterity. Help your child stay on track by engaging them in setting daily goals and figuring out activities of their own for holiday breaks and summer vacation.

5. Make it fun. Remember that the main purpose is to help your child enjoy music, so let them decide how far they want to go. Let them know you love them just as much if they want to trade in their piano lessons for horseback riding.

Make symphonies and pop songs part of your family activities. Increasing your child’s understanding of music will enhance their performance in many arenas, and give them a source of joy and relaxation they can count on throughout their lives.

Here is a great PDF from NAMM (National Association of Music Merchants Foundation) on the benefits of music to child development. The Benefits of Music Education

The video is a suggested powerpoint to present to Board of Education’s in support of Arts Education available at https://www.nammfoundation.org/ I have created it into a video.

The Importance of Playing Outdoors with Your Children

by Joe Van Deuren | May 11, 2023 | Parenting, Self-care

There Are Benefits for Parents and Child

Computers and other gadgets have become pivotal in the lives of most people under 50. Technology is infused into your children’s everyday lives in ways most of us never imagined. Whatever happened to playing outside?

Most technology involves a lot of sitting still, which uses something other than our children’s natural abundance of energy.

However, if you’ve ever tried to get your kids to unplug from these devices, you know what a chore that can be!

You’ve most likely set limits on how long your kids can fiddle with their gadgets. However, they’ll need help finding things to do when they can’t plug in. So why not play outside as a family?

Physical benefits of playing outdoors with children

There are physical and psychological benefits to getting the kids outdoors to play and for parents to join them.

The most obvious is that outdoor play increases physical activity, which helps children maintain a healthy weight, strengthen their bones and muscles, and reduce the risk of chronic diseases.

Even more than that, outdoor play allows children to develop their motor skills, including hand-eye coordination, balance, and agility.

Children can enhance their gross motor skills by running, jumping, and climbing, while smaller movements such as digging, building, or playing a sport can improve their fine motor skills.

Use activities like playing with balls and other equipment and encourage them to climb and find things they can balance to improve their strength and confidence. Join them in running, jumping, and hopping games. As they age, the family can ride bikes, ski, snowboard, go rafting, or do other physical activities.

Finally, playing outdoors provides children with exposure to nature and fresh air, which can enhance their respiratory and immune systems and improve their mood and overall well-being.

All of these are good for adult parents as well.

Psychological Benefits of Outdoor Play

In addition to physical benefits, playing outdoors also offers psychological benefits for children.

Unorganized outdoor play promotes increased creativity and imagination as children are encouraged to explore and discover new things in their environment.

Play is a child’s work.

Please enable opportunities for them to create new games, engage in role-playing, and engage in imaginative play, which can enhance their problem-solving and critical-thinking skills. As they grow, include gardening and yard responsibilities. This helps to get the whole family outside and appreciate the idea of teamwork as family work.

Organized play, like team sports, and additional activities like camping and hiking contribute to the development of character and a child’s mental health by helping to reduce stress and anxiety levels. In addition, being in nature and participating in physical activity has been shown to have a calming effect on the body and mind.

Children walking with you or playing outside may be willing to talk more, and you will get a deeper insight into their thinking and personalities. In addition, when playing with other children outdoors, they will develop their social skills as they interact and communicate with their peers, negotiate and collaborate on games, and develop their emotional intelligence. These skills are essential for building healthy relationships and social connections throughout their lives.

A couple of notes: We all want our children to grow up safely and in good health. Sun protection, water safety, playground safety, and protection from some outdoor pests like ticks and other insects are part of a parent’s responsibility to their kids. In addition, teaching them about cooperative play will add to the safety of those times you are on the playground with others.

Concluding Thoughts

Outdoor activities provide a unique opportunity for parents to connect with their children in a different way than is possible indoors. Engaging in activities such as hiking, camping, or playing sports requires teamwork, communication, and trust, which can help strengthen the bond between parents and children

Outdoor activities also offer an escape from the stresses and distractions of daily life, allowing parents and children to focus on enjoying each other’s company and the beauty of nature.

In addition, playing outside together allows parents to be more involved in their children’s lives and interests. By participating in activities that their children enjoy, parents can show their support and interest in their children’s hobbies and passions, building a sense of trust and open communication between parents and children, as children feel heard and valued by their parents.

Outdoor activities also allow parents to model healthy behaviors and habits for their children. Parents can instill a love of nature and a commitment to staying active and healthy by engaging in physical activity and spending time outdoors with their children. This can help reinforce positive habits and values that can last a lifetime.

My youngest son was never interested in sports, going outside, or outdoor activities. Instead, he enjoyed reading, watching movies, creating movies, and writing stories. So I had to be accepting of that while at the same time offering opportunities and making time when we would be outside doing the simple things.

Today, some 30 years later, he is an avid runner, uses his bike to get to work 10 miles from his home, and enjoys the outdoors more than I ever saw him do when he was young. The lesson is that as parents, we need to do what is best for our children in a way that respects their likes and dislikes and does what is best for their health, success, and long-term happiness. So if you have a young child, start early. If they are older and are like my son, help them to step outside their comfort zone without disrespecting what they love. In the end, they will likely enjoy a variety of activities, both indoors and outdoors.

A Joseph Michael Personal Story

Ultimately, outdoor activities are powerful for building strong and healthy relationships between parents and children. By spending time together outside, parents can create shared experiences and memories that can last a lifetime and strengthen the bond between them and their children. Likewise, spending time with your children outside the house builds a strong and healthy relationship, fostering a sense of trust, respect, and love that can carry over into all aspects of family life.

Preparing Your Child for Sleepaway Camp

by Joe Van Deuren | May 9, 2023 | Parenting

Parents Guide to Successful Camp for Kids

Sending your child to sleepaway camp can be both an exciting and a nerve-wracking experience for you and your child. It’s an excellent opportunity though for your child to develop independence and social skills and can play an essential role in your child’s growth and development.

While it’s natural to feel homesick, your child can come home with new friends and a greater sense of maturity. To gain the most benefit from camp, preparing them for the experience is vital, which begins with preparation on your part. Yes, there is a lot to do, but it is worth the benefits your child will gain from the experience.

Benefits of Sleepaway Camp

Independence and Confidence: Sleepaway camps provide a unique opportunity for children to gain independence and confidence by spending time away from their parents and learning to independently navigate new social and environmental situations.
Social Skills: At a sleepaway camp, children get to meet and interact with other children from different backgrounds and cultures, helping them develop valuable social skills and broaden their perspectives.
Outdoor Activities: Sleepaway camps often offer a range of outdoor activities such as hiking, swimming, canoeing, and other outdoor sports. Such activities promote physical fitness and allow children to develop a love for nature and the outdoors.
Personal Growth: Sleepaway camps often offer activities encouraging personal growth and self-discovery. These can include team-building exercises, leadership training, and other activities that help children identify their strengths and weaknesses. Some camps train kids to become counselors or serve in different leadership positions.
Lifelong Memories: Sleepaway camp can be an unforgettable experience for children, and the memories and friendships made at camp can last a lifetime. Most children are ready to benefit from an overnight camp at about 8 or 9 years of age.
Reduced Screen Time: Camps often have rules about technology use, which can help children unplug from screens and focus on socializing, physical activity, and being present in the moment.

Managing logistics

Here is a short guide on preparation so they have a great experience at camp.

Involve your child in the planning process. Let your child help choose the camp they’ll attend and the activities they want to participate in. If they are younger, going to a center that offers a variety of activities will introduce them to activities that may be new to them.
Share the decision-making. You’re more likely to find a good fit when you involve your kids in the selection process. Split up the workload for researching camps with gymnastic programs or chemistry labs. Sit down together to review websites and brochures.
Check on accreditation. The American Camp Association (https://www.acacamps.org/) bases accreditation on strict health, safety, and program quality standards. It’s one good way to ensure you leave your child in capable hands.
Learning about specific camps. If possible, take a trip to see the camp before dropping your child off. Talking with the staff in person may reveal more information than you can obtain from a website or phone call. If a visit is impossible, speak to parents who have experience sending their children to the camps you and your child are considering.

Questions to ask other parents

1. What camp did your child attend, and for how many years did they go?
2. What was your child’s overall experience like at the center?
3. What activities did the camp offer, and did your child enjoy them?
4. How were the camp counselors and staff, and did they seem qualified and responsible?
5. Was the camp well-organized and safe?
6. How was the communication between the camp and parents?
7. Did your child make new friends at camp, and were the social dynamics positive?
8. How did the camp handle homesickness or other issues that arose?
9. Was the camp’s food and accommodations satisfactory?
10. Would you recommend this camp to other parents, and why or why not?

Asking these questions can help parents better understand what a specific sleepaway camp is like and whether it may be a good fit for their child.

Plan for the costs. With such a wide variety of camps available, you can look for something within your budget. For example, overnight camps typically charge $900 or more a week.
Pack appropriately & together. Pack with your child and ensure they have everything they need for camp. Think about clothing, toiletries, bedding, and any special items they want to bring. Your camp will send you a list of what to pack. Leave yourself enough time to label each item to prevent them from getting lost. While you’re at it, break in any new footwear.
See your doctor. Let your family doctor know that your child is heading to camp. Kids may need to complete a physical or make arrangements for taking prescription medications.

Preparing your child socially and emotionally

Talk about the camp experience. Start by talking to your child about what to expect at camp. Explain the daily routine, the types of activities they’ll be doing, and how long they’ll be away from home. Ensure your child understands that it’s normal to feel homesick but that they’ll be able to cope and have fun.

Practice separation. If your child has yet to spend much time away from you, practicing separation before camp is essential. Start by leaving them with a trusted friend or family member for a few hours, then gradually increase the time apart. Doing so will help your child feel more comfortable with the idea of being away from home. Grandparents would probably enjoy a weekend visit, and it is an excellent place to start with young campers.

Role play. Help your child feel more comfortable by acting out situations they’re likely to encounter at camp. For example, practice finding your way around the backyard at night with a flashlight. Practice sharing a care package with other campers.

Discuss camp rules and expectations. Make sure your child understands the rules and expectations of the camp. Things like curfews, meal times, and activity schedules at most campsites will be non-negotiables. Discuss any concerns or questions they may have, and encourage them to ask their counselors for help if they need it.

Agree on communications. Based on camp rules, let your child know they can always communicate with you by writing letters, sending emails, or talking on the phone at camp. Ensure they have the necessary contact information for you and any other emergency contacts. Most programs may limit the timing and number of phone calls or packages. It’s easier for your child to adapt if they know what to expect.

Encourage independence. Encourage your child to be independent while at camp. This includes making their bed, managing their hygiene, and deciding on activities. Taking charge of their responsibilities will help them build confidence and feel more prepared for the future.

Coming Home

When a child returns home from a sleepaway camp, it can be an exciting and emotional time for both the child and parents. Here are some tips on how parents can welcome their child home in a way that is supportive and allows them to share their experience:

Show excitement: Show your child how happy you are to see them by greeting them with a big hug or smile. Make them feel welcome, and let them know that you missed them.
Give them space: While showing excitement is important, giving your child space to adjust to being home is essential. Don’t overwhelm them with too many questions or demands right away.
Ask open-ended questions: When your child is ready to talk, ask open-ended questions, encouraging them to share their experience. For example, “What was your favorite part of camp?” or “What was the most challenging thing you faced at camp?”
Listen actively: Listen to your child’s answers without interrupting or judging. Encourage them to share as much or as little as they want, and be supportive and empathetic.
Plan a fun activity: Plan a fun activity or outing that your child will enjoy, such as going to the park or watching a movie together. Family activities can help your child feel more relaxed and comfortable.
Be patient: Remember that it may take some time for your child to fully adjust to being home and process their camp experience. Be patient and continue to show support and understanding.

Preparing your child for sleepaway camp takes time and effort, but it’s worth it for the experiences and memories they’ll gain. Following these tips will help ensure that your child has a fun and successful time at camp.

Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth

by Joe Van Deuren | May 5, 2023 | Parenting, Self-care, Virtues

Setting Your Life Priorities

Are the complexities and chaos of life leaving you confused at times and struggling to figure out the next step that is best for you and your family? Whether young or old, single or with a partner, setting priorities is crucial for living a fulfilling and purposeful life. It helps us align our actions with our values and goals.

When you were young and single, your priorities often involved personal growth, self-discovery, career building, or education. The activities we took part in may have had a goal that promoted physical, mental, and emotional well-being, such as exercise, travel, or pursuing hobbies. They may also have prioritized building skills, networking, or gaining experience in your field.

In contrast, parents’ priorities often revolve around their families’ well-being and their children’s growth and development. Family bonding, attending family events, children’s education, extracurricular activities, and emotional well-being are high on their list of priorities. Of course, your career and personal goals may loom large if you are a single parent. Still, generally, like all parents, you look at how your decisions contribute to your family’s overall well-being.

Either way, making those priority decisions is hard when everything feels necessary, and you struggle. On the parenting side, you may ask, “What activities will the children participate in?” What school will they attend? “Are the children on a developmental track?” Then the hard stuff begins. What are the house rules? How will I discipline and train my children? How are consequences determined and implemented? Mike Tyson once said, “Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth.” When you’re a parent, it feels like that sometimes. We all know how we planned on parenting, and then we get punched in the mouth.

Setting your life’s priorities, or, as we say in the Four C’s of Successful Families, clarity in life, is more than just what the kids’ extracurricular activities and schooling will be. More important is having a vision, identifying values, and even a mission for your family. Knowing what you want for yourself and your family is critical for every family. Decision-making comes more effortlessly with a clarification of family values. Finally, there is a peaceful feeling knowing that you are doing what is suitable and correct for you, helping you feel more fulfilled and satisfied with life experiences for you and your children.

Here are some common life priorities.

- - Family
  - Education
  - Finances
  - Friends,
  - Extended family
  - Work
  - Hobbies
  - Personal appearance
  - Health and exercise
  - Nutritious eating
  - Alone time or partner time
  - Quality time with children

How you choose your priorities depends wholly on what you value. The virtues are the foundation of those values. Recognizing, identifying, and clarifying these virtues and values may take time and effort. However, once these are clear to you, your priorities, choices, and decisions in every part of your life will be much easier.

Before you begin this exercise, please be aware that there is a danger that you must be careful about. The risk with this exercise is that sometimes our answers get tainted by social norms or the ideas others place before us. Even our long-held beliefs can influence how we think we feel and not align with our true selves. So as you answer these questions and identify your values and priorities, take your time to reflect, examine, and be confident that those influences are not diminishing your beliefs and desires.

Here is a first step:

Choose one role: parent, employee, volunteer, student, etc. You can do this with all of your roles, but for now, choose one that is high on your list of priorities.

- - Write a brief description of your best self in this role.
  - Describe how you want to be in this role.
  - How do you want to be remembered by others?
  - What is the legacy you would like to leave?
  - How will you feel successful in this role?
  - Is there someone you admire for their activities in your chosen role? What is it about them that you admire?

In the role you chose, there is also likely a corresponding role. For example, if you chose “parent,” the related part would be the child. If you selected “spouse/partner,” it would be your spouse/partner. Now answer the following questions:

- - What are your expectations of them?
  - What would make them excellent in that role?
  - How do you want to describe them in that role?
  - Who do you know that you admire in this role, and why?

As you look at the answers to all these questions, what are the recurring themes or ideas? The words you see coming from these answers are no doubt what you value the most.

Now download the list of 100 virtues or go to our “100 Virtues” page at josephmichael.coach. As you look at these virtues, which ones match what you have identified as being your best self?

Some virtues may not have yet developed the way you would like. Or you may notice some that you identify with closely and are pleased with how you show them. But, on the other hand, other virtues may appear overdeveloped—as in, maybe you should balance them with another virtue.

What is the value of this exercise? When you identify what you value the most—the virtues you respect for yourself and others—you can begin to determine what that looks like in your day-to-day life. It helps us make choices about everything by comparing those choices with who we aspire to be.

I invite you to sign up for our newsletter. It is a great way to get the Virtue of the Month and tips on relationships, parenting, and self-care. In addition, you’ll be the first to know about upcoming classes for successful families.

To sign up, visit the “Newsletter” section here on the website. Enter your email address, and you’ll receive our newsletter in your inbox on Wednesdays. I appreciate your interest in bringing out the best in your children and yourself. We look forward to keeping you informed through our newsletter!

“Moving Forward After Divorce: Tips for Helping Your Children Heal and Thrive”

by Joe Van Deuren | May 1, 2023 | Parenting

A Guide to Helping Your Child Heal After Divorce

A divorce is just as tragic and scary for your child as it is for you, possibly even more so. Your children can suffer. The process of your family changing can hurt them on several different levels. They are likely to experience many negative and scary emotions that they’ve never encountered before.

Help your child deal with their emotions following divorce with these strategies:

1. Recognize your child’s emotions and thoughts. Your child needs to feel comfortable expressing their thoughts about the divorce.

Children can feel hurt long after the divorce papers are signed and the court dates end. It’s essential to recognize their feelings and work with them. Children also need to feel loved by both parents, so you want to reassure them that you still love them.

Establish an open dialogue with the kids. Feeling comfortable expressing their questions makes it easier for your child to handle the situation.

It’s important not to belittle or diminish a child’s emotions. They may differ from how you feel about the situation, so give your child room to express deep thoughts.

2. Protect your child’s emotional health by working together with your ex. Your child needs to be a priority after a divorce so they don’t feel hurt or neglected. Therefore, it’s crucial to find a way to work together.

Stay mature, and remember that you’re a parent who needs to protect your children. By working with your ex, you can establish guidelines to help address your child’s emotions.

You may want to keep communication with your ex open so that you can discuss the child’s needs without lawyers.

3. Create rules to protect your child in new relationships. For example, you may be ready to start dating again or even remarry after a divorce.

Children can have difficulty adjusting to the idea that their parents are dating again. It’s not easy for them to see you with a new partner, and their feelings may be hurt. As a result, they may begin to act out, question you, or avoid the new partner.

It’s important not to force a child to have a relationship with your new partner. Children may need more time to handle these types of situations.

You also don’t want to force your child to call the new partner, mother, or father. Your child may not be ready for this type of label. Instead, your new partner can earn the title over time.

4. Avoid creating guilt trips. You don’t want your child to feel guilty about spending time with your ex and enjoying it. This will hurt their feelings and make them even more confused. Instead, encourage your child to feel happy visiting both parents.

Children often feel responsible for the divorce. But your divorce is not their fault. It’s important to help them understand that they’re not responsible so they don’t have the additional burden of feeling guilty.

You want your children to be able to see your ex without feeling like they’re betraying you. Children should look forward to their visits. You don’t want to make them feel like they must choose one parent to love and one to reject.

Paying attention to your child’s emotions after a divorce is critical. You can help your children healthily deal with their feelings so you can all move forward with your lives.